Make My Car Tuff
by Greaserfreak
Summary: Steve doesn't have the best home life and wishes it could be more like the Curtis's. Or at least one where he's accepted. Set in Steve's POV. Summary has changed because my original idea for the story is completely different from how it's turning out.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders.

I was putting on my DX shirt when my best friend, Soda came into the break room taking off his own DX shirt. His shift was ending and mine was just starting. But, that's how it is on school nights. Soda works days since he dropped out of school last spring , and I still work part time after school and on weekends.

"You have a few cars to look at Steve." Soda told me.

"Okay." I said casually. Inside, I was happy. I love working on cars. Don't ask why. There's just something about cars that I like. And people trust me with them. Even the socs which I think is funny considering us greasers don't get along with them. It seems like the only time a soc is civil to us is when I'm fixing one of their fancy cars. "Was it busy today?"

Soda rolled his eyes. "No. I spent most of the day restocking shelves and cleaning. You're lucky, Steve. At least you get to work on cars."

"You work on cars." I reminded him.

"Yeah, but I can't fix these cars that you'll be working on tonight. They need your special touch." Soda told me with a wink. "And let me tell you, they're pretty messed up."

We walked out of the break room together and outside where Soda led me to the garage and opened the door. Inside were two piles of chipped paint and rust on wheels. They were probably the two worst looking cars I had ever seen. And I was supposed to be the miracle worker.

"You're kidding me, right?" I looked at Soda who was shaking his head. "These belong in a dump."

"Yeah, well, the boss wants you to fix them." Soda said softly.

"How?" I asked. "Even if I can get them running decently, there's nothing I can do about the appearance. My car looks like a soc's car compared to these pieces of junk!"

Soda grinned. "Just do what you can. We'll figure out what to do about the appearance of these cars tonight at my place. You are coming over after you get off, right?"

"Where else would I go? My old man kicked me out again this morning before school." I said a little more harshly then I intended to. "Sorry Soda, I didn't mean to sound harsh."

"No problem. I know it bothers you when your dad does that." Soda told me. "But, you're always welcome to stay at my place."

"Speaking of your place, you should get going. I'll see you later." I said looking helplessly at the two junk piles in front of me.

"Okay, Steve. I'll have Darry make some extra food for dinner tonight so you have something to eat when you come over." Soda told me as he turned and walked away. I didn't respond. I just stood there for a few minutes before slowly making my way to the cars and looking at them up close. Carefully popping the hood on each of them because I half expected the cars to fall apart if I touched them. These two cars needed a lot of work and it was up to me to get it done.


	2. Chapter 2

Between trying to fix the two cars and helping customers, I was very busy that evening. I had spent enough time on the cars to figure out that they were tuff at some point. One was clearly a red fifty-seven Chevy that had white leather seats at one time. The other car was a Mustang. Both cars needed quite a bit of work. Inside and out. It was going to take more than just one day to get the cars fixed.

"Steve, you can go home. I'll see you tomorrow morning." George, one of the manager's, said from the enterance to the garage. He looked at the cars. "Those need a lot of work."

"I know." I mumbled as I walked past him.

"You can fix them." George said placing a hand on my shoulder. "The boss wouldn't have left them for you if he didn't think you could do it."

"Yeah." I said. "I'll see you tomorrow, George."

I got in my own car and drove to the Curtis house. When I got there, Darry was reading the paper and Ponyboy was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework. Soda sat on the couch watching The Ed Sullivan Show on the television. Aside from no longer having their parents around, they were a perfect family. Or at least perfect compared to my family. My dad is a loud obnoxious drunk. He yells at me almost every day and every few days, he kicks me out of the house. Then the next day, he'll give me five dollars and will promise that it'll never happen again. I learned a long time ago that promises were meant to be broken. Unless the promise is from Soda.

"Don't just stand there, Steve. Make yourself at home." Darry told me.

"Yeah, sit down." Soda said patting a spot next to him on the couch.

I walked across the room and sat down next to Soda. I noticed that Ponyboy looked up briefly from his homework then down again. Ponyboy and I don't dig each other much. He's an okay kid. But he tags along with Soda and me too much. I know Soda asks him to come with but, I wish Ponyboy would get some friends who are his own age. Soda and I are two years older than him. There has to be a few fourteen year old greasers around.

I know Ponyboy doesn't like me anymore than I like him, but he'll never admit it. He doesn't like to hurt Soda's feelings.Soda is probably the only reason why Ponyboy and I can get along. Neither of us want him to be hurt or disappointed.

"There's some chicken and mashed potatoes if you're hungry." Darry said. He put down the paper and looked at me. "I heard your dad kicked you out again."

I nodded but kept my mouth shut. I mean how would it sound telling someone that you wished your father was dead when their own parents were dead? I remembered Mr. Curtis and how he used to take Soda and me to the park on the weekends to throw the football around. Mr. Curtis was the best father I knew and now he was gone. Mrs. Curtis was a good mom, too. She always had chocolate chip cookies for us.

My mom isn't a drunk like my dad. But she never takes my side. She always sticks up for the old man. Even though he's almost always wrong. When he's yelling at me to get out of the house, she usually just stands back chewing on her nails. Just once I'd like to see her stand up to him. But I guess she's afraid of getting hurt if she does. She just looks back and forth between dad and me with tears in her eyes. Sometimes, I feel guilty for making her upset, but just likewith the promises, I learned at a young age that if you hide your true emotions, no one can hurt you. And if you develope an anger at the world, most people will leave you alone.

"Steve, go get something to eat." Soda commanded playfully, pushing me off the couch.

"Thanks a lot, pal." I said standing up. "Okay, I'll go eat."

"Hi, Steve." Ponyboy mumbled as I walked past him.

"Hey, Ponyboy." I mumbled back as I helped myself to meatloaf and potatoes.

"There's only water to drink unless you want coffee." Ponyboy told me. He pointed to where Soda was sitting. "Soda drank the last of the chocolate milk."

I sat across from Ponyboy, not bothering to get anything to drink. I just ate in silence. Wondering if I should try talking to Ponyboy. But since he went back to his homework, I decided not to. I wouldn't know what to say to him anyway. Soda's the only one who can get the kid talking. Sometimes Two-Bit can, but only if Ponyboy is in a certain mood. He usually keeps to himself. Especially now since his own best friend recently died.

Johnny and Dally's deaths hit us hard. But Johnny's hit Ponyboy the hardest. They had just spent a week together in some old church. And suddenly, Johnny was gone. Ponyboy hasn't been the same since. He's more distant. And quieter than usual. I know Soda and Darry have been worried about him. Even I've been concerned for him and I don't dig him that much. If something ever happened to Soda, I don't know what I'd do. I guess I'd be in a state of shock and denial, just like Ponyboy.


	3. Chapter 3

Saturdays are always busy at the DX station. It seems like everyone in the state of Oklahoma comes on Saturdays. Especially the girls who like flirting with Soda. Which sometimes causes him to get distracted. Okay, it always causes him to be distracted. He likes flirting with them just as much as they like flirting with him. I'm surprised he gets anything done.

"So, Steve, what exactly is wrong with those two cars?" Soda asked me once we arrived at work.

"Well, they need a paint job. The Chevy needs a new transmission and some engine work. But the Mustang needs a lot of work. I'm surprised that the owner brought it here instead of to the junk yard." I said as I punched my time card.

"Maybe they think you can fix it so it doesn't have to go to a junk yard." Soda suggested.

"Maybe." I mumbled. "But it is going to take a lot of work to get it fixed."

I realized that my last comment wasn't heard by my friend. He was already flirting with the girls. I sighed and entered the garage where George greeted me.

"Ready to work on these cars?" He asked.

"When am I ever not ready to work on cars?" I asked. Personally, I wanted to work on the two cars myself. I hate it when someone else has to help me. But I've learned to grin and bare it. If the boss assigns someone to work on cars with me, then I guess I have to accept it. But that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. I prefer to work alone.

George took off his hat and wiped the sweat off of his balding head. I silently hoped I would never be bald. I like my hair and how it's combed in complicated swirls. Which really isn't that complicated since my hair is naturally curly.

"Well, let's get to work." George said with a sigh.

"I still can't believe they want me, um us, to fix these." I grumbled as I lifted the hood of the Chevy. I figured I'd work on the Chevy since it had the fewest things wrong with it. With any luck, I could get it to be almost like new again.

"Wow, this car was a real beauty at one time." George commented as he surveyed the car.

"Yeah. It was a really tuff car." I agreed. "And it'll leave here as a tuff looking car."

"I don't know what you just said. I'm not into the way you kids speak now. But if it means it'll leave looking like a beauty, I agree with you." George told me.

I nodded absently. I was already focused on what I was doing. Once I get to work on a car, I forget about everything else. Kind of like Soda and his girls or Ponyboy and his books. Fortunately, George was used to this and basically stayed out of my way. I think he went out to help Soda at one point. But I didn't pay any attention. I just wanted to get the car fixed. And by the end of the day, I had the transmission done and had started on the engine.

"Hey Steve, are you almost done?" Soda asked from the entrance to the garage. "It's time to get out of here."

"I'm just finishing up, Soda. I'll be out in a minute." I replied as I put the tools away. A few minutes later, Soda and I were walking to my house. I wanted to get some clean clothes to change into.

"Hello Soda." My father greeted us when we stepped inside.

"Oh, hi Mr. Randle." Soda said looking slightly uncomfortable. I think he would have been more comfortable at Johnny's house. At least you know what to expect from his parents. You never know what you'll get from mine.

"Steve," My dad said following me. I knew he was pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. "Here's five dollars. Use it however you wish. Look at me."

I turned and faced him remembering not to show any emotion.

"Look, you know I don't mean it when I holler at you and tell you to get out of the house.That was the last time, I promise and this time it's a promise I'll keep.Here take the five dollars. I'll see you later." He stuffed the already wrinkled bill in my hand and left me standing in my room.

I quickly changed and made sure to put the money in my wallet. My dad does this every week. And every week he never keeps his promise. In fact, I give him till Monday night to break the promise this time.

"Well, did he give you any money?" Soda whispered when I rejoined him and we went outside to walk to his house.

I nodded. "Yeah. Five dollars. A whole five dollars worth of empty and broken promises."

Soda nodded silently. He had stopped questioning my relationship with my dad a long time ago. Or at least he never questioned it out loud. And I'm glad he didn't because I prefer not to talk about it.


	4. Chapter 4

As we walked to the Curtis home, I took a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I didn't offer one to Soda. He rarely smokes. So, I just quietly smoked my cigarette while Soda whistled some theme song for a television show.

"Hey, how long do you think it'll take to fix those two cars back at the shop?" Soda asked suddenly.

I put out my cigarette and sighed. "I don't knoe. I had to order a few parts. So I guess it depends when they get in."

Soda nodded. "Do you think you can fix them after you've had a chance to look at them?"

"Yeah. I'm the car expert, remember?" I replied. "No car is too difficult for Steve Randle to fix. Those cars will be in such good condition when I'm done with them, you'd think they were brand new."

I meant that too. When I work on cars, it has to be perfect. I won't accept anything less.

"Looks like Pony's home." Soda said when we got to his house. He walked up the porch steps, and held the door open for me.

"It's Saturday, it's not like he'd be at school." I mumbled.

"I know, but he could have had a track meet or gone to the movies or something." Soda replied. He walked into the kitchen where I knew he'd pour himself a glass of chocolate milk. "Hey, Pony, what's going on?"

I didn't catch Ponyboy's response. I was too busy looking at the trophies that he and Darry had won over the years between Darry's football games and Ponyboy's track meets. They had a shelf full of trophies. As I was looking at the trophies, one caught my eye. It was identical to one I had at home. It was from when Soda and I were six or seven. We had played baseball that summer and our team had won the championship game. That was the only time my dad had ever told me that he was proud of me. It's one of the few good memories I have from my childhood.

"Looking at our old trophy?" I turned around. I hadn't noticed that Soda had come back in the living room.

"Yeah." I said. "Remember how your dad took us out for ice cream after?"

Soda grinned. "And Pony cried because his fell on the floor and I ended up sharing mine with him."

I silently went back to looking at the trophies. Neither Soda or I had an interest in sports. That summer was Mr. Curtis's idea. Soda and I never continued with baseball. It wasn't our thing. I was more interested in learning about cars and making toy models than I was in playing some sport and Soda just never had the patience to learn. Still, sometimes I wonder if my dad would be a better father and more proud of me if I had continued to play sports. Or, would he still be a jerk like he already is?

Ponyboy joined me. "I like looking at the trophies too."

"Mmm hmmm." I said absently.

He gave me weird look before walking off to his room. Probably to read a book or draw a picture. He's a weird kid. Who in their right mind would spend a Saturday reading books? At least he wouldn't be bothering me or Soda for a while.

"Hey, Soda, get out the cards. I'm ready to play a game of poker and try not to cry when I beat you." I yelled as I went to the kitchen table and sat down.

"Steve, you're the one who's going to be crying because I'm the one who's going to win." Soda said as he sat across from me and shuffled the deck.

"We'll see about that." I teased as Soda dealt the cards. "If you lose, you have to paint the two cars at the Dx station."

Soda narrowed his eyes at me. "And if you lose, you have to let Pony come with us on Friday night to the ribbon without complaining."

I sighed. Soda is always inviting Ponyboy to come with us if we don't have girls with. But, I was confident that I'd win, so I said, "It's a deal. Although I'm sure Pony's coming with anyway. You probably already invited him."

Soda nodded. "But at least when I win, you can't complain about him being there. A bet is a bet."

"I know. Well, let's get this game started so I can win." I said eager to get my mind off of my father for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

"When do you think you'll have those two cars done, Steve?" It was Tuesday afternoon and I had just arrived at work. The boss practically pounced on me when I arrived asking about the two cars. But, I just shrugged him off. Cars aren't like toy models where you glue on a piece and you're done. They take time. Especially when you have to order parts.

"I had to order some parts." I replied while putting on my DX shirt. "So, I guess it depends when they get here."

That seemed to satisfy him. As long as you tell him like it is, he gives you no trouble. And when you're as good as cars as I am, well, you have nothing to worry about. He's the one who has to worry half the time. Almost every other garage in town wants me to work for them because of my knowledge of cars. The only reason why I haven't goneto another garage is because Soda works at this one. Plus, it's in our neighborhood so I don't always have to drive to work.

"Okay Steve, but I'm leaving you in charge of calling the owner and telling him. The number is on my desk." That was the last I heard from the boss that day. He went home shortly after.

Soda came in after that, covered in grease.

"I know we're greasers, Soda, but I don't think you have to bathe in it." I commented.

"Very funny. I had to do a lube job and this is what happened." Soda grumbled. He doesn't like doing oil changes and lube jobs. And they always seeem to put him in a bad mood. But not for long. Sodapop Curtis can't stay in a bad mood even if he tried.

"Soda, you're supposed to lube up the car. Not yourself." I teased. "Anyway, I take it you're going home now?"

"As soon as Darry gets here." Soda replied. "What did the big man want?"

I shook my head. "The usual. He wanted to know when the cars would be done and then said I'd have to call the owner and explain what was going on."

"Why don't you go do that now? I'll keep an eye on things until you're done." Soda offered.

I silently walked into the small office and called the number that was sitting on the desk.

"Hello?" A man answered the phone. I tried to guess his age but it's hard to do that over the phone.

"Is this Ben Hansen?" I asked.

"Yes, who's this?" Ben replied.

"This is Steve Randle at the DX station on the east side. I'm calling about your two cars." I looked at the wall at the calender of girls in bikinis sitting on hods of different cars.

"Ah, yes. They told me you'd be able to fix them. Said you're the young man with the magic touch. I know they're not in the greatest shape but I just don't want to get rid of them." Ben told me.

"I don't blame you. Aside from the work that needs to be done, they are nice cars. Anyway, I was just calling to let you know that I had to order a few parts and I really won't know how long it'll take to fix the cars until the parts come in." I explained.

"That's okay. If you really do have the magic touch, take all the time you need." Ben replied. I could almost hear the smile in his voice.

I said bye to him and hung up. When I left the office, Soda was talking with Darry in the parking lot. I walked outside so they'd know they could leave.

"How did the call go?" Soda asked.

"Better than most. The owner said to take my time with the cars." I answered.

"We should get going little buddy. We still have to pick up Ponyboy from track practice." Darry said pushing Soda towards their old truck.

"See you later, Steve." Soda called over his shoulder. Darry gave me a quick wave and once they were in the truck and leaving, he honked the horn which for some reason reminds me of a dying goose.

I stood there watching them drive down the street until they disappeared from sight. Then I turned and went to find George who was the manager that night. I had a feeling it would be a long evening. I couldn't work on the two cars until those parts came in. And it was rare to have people bringing in cars for tune ups at night. So, I figured, I'd just be filling gas tanks and checking fluid levels. Plus, if I was lucky, maybe I'd end up fixing some flat tires. The streets in this part of town aren't in the greatest shape and occassionally, you'll get someone with a flat tire. Usually a girl who either doesn't know how to change one or has a fear of getting dirty.

"I think it'll be a slow night, kid." George said when he saw me.

"I was thinking that, too." I told him.

"My wife made some brownies. Help yourself." George pointed at the plate sitting at the far end of the garage. He tries to treat me like a son. Partly because he knows what my father is like and partly because he and his wife never had kids their own. So, he's always treating me and even Soda as if we were his kids. Soda even calls him dad sometimes, but I'm just not comfortable with that. To me, Mr. Curtis was dad. George is just a good friend.


	6. Chapter 6

After work, I decided to go home against my better judgement. You'd think I'd know better than to go home on my father's day off. But I always do. And the outcome is always the same, I end up going over to Soda's. Tonight was no different.

I opened the door as quietly as I could, hoping that I could make it to my room before dad even noticed I was there. Sometimes, if I can do that, I can stay home for a few hours before dad even notices that I'm there. But I have to be very quiet. I even know all the spots where the floor creaks so I won't step on them. This also comes in handy for sneaking out when the old man and my mom argue. If I stick around for that, I'll end up getting involved. And that is one fight I don't like being a part of.

"Hey, boy." I tried not to cringe at the sound of my father's voice. The fact that he called me 'boy' was enough to let me know he was in a bad mood.

"Hey, dad." I replied, still hoping that maybe he was too distracted to say anything else so I could go to my room and at least grab a change of clothes. It was obvious, I wouldn't be staying long.

"Where the hell were you today?" Dad really didn't care where I was. He just wanted something to yell about.

"I was at work." I said. If anyone else were there, I would have told them what I did at work. I enjoy talking about cars almost as much as I like working on them.

"Work? At that dirty gas station, right? Like that hoodlum friend of yours." My dad spat out. He was looking at me. Almost glaring at me, but not quite.

"Soda is not a hoodlum." I said. No one calls my best friend a hoodlum.

"Yeah, he is. And so are those other punks you hang out with. Why don't you get some real friends? And get a real job while you're at it." Dad continued.

"Oh, like the one you have? One where I'll just be miserable, and make minimum wage, which is what I make now, by the way, so I can treat my family like trash?" I asked giving him a glare of my own.

"Steve, don't talk your father like that." My mom had been watching the whole thing. And if she hadn't been a female, I would have yelled at her, too. But Mr. Curtis had always told me that women should always be treated with respect whether they deserved it or not. And for his sake, I tried my my best to remember it.

"You are going to end up on the streets if you don't shape up. You're already turning into a hoodlum thanks to those punks you spend time with."

"Gary..." My mom sighed.

"Shut up, Laurie." Dad snapped.

"Why don't you shut up?" I yelled. "I'm not a hoodlum, my friends aren't hoodlums, and my job is just as real as yours is. And I won't ever end up on the streets because my friends will let me live with them. Besides, they're a better family to me than you are."

This was one time when dad didn't have to kick me out of the house. As soon as I said that, I turned and ran out the front door ignoring the sounds of my mom trying to get me to return. I ran all the way to the Curtis house which is a few blocks away. By the time I got there, I was short of breath.

"Soda went out to buy some chocolate milk." I looked down at the porch steps and saw Ponyboy sitting there with a book. Figures, the kid would probably die if he didn't have a book with him at all times. Mr. and Mrs. Curtis should have named him Bookworm.

I ignored him and went into the house. I didn't bother knocking, no one else does. We all just barge in.

"Hey, Steve." Darry nodded at me from Mr. Curtis' old chair, which seems to have become Darry's chair now. "Father kick you out again?"

"Not this time. This time I left before he had a chance to." I replied. At that point, Soda walked in with Ponyboy following close behind.

"Your mom is sitting outside your house yelling for you." Soda said as he passed me. He returned a minute later. "Your father and you had another fight, didn't you?"

Soda knows me as well as he knows his brothers. He can always tell when my dad and I have fought just by looking at me.

I nodded. "He called all of us hoodlums."

I noticed Darry's eyes flash with anger. Out of all of us, he's the least hoodish. He's more like a soc, only without the money and big ego.

"Other than that, it was the usual." I rarely go into detail about the fights I have with my father. Everyone has heard about them enough so I don't have to say much about them.

"Well, you're here now." Soda said cheerfully, and I managed a tiny grin. He knows I consider their place to be more of a home than my house.

"Yeah, why don't you go get cleaned up and change into some of Soda's clothes? Then you can eat dinner with us." That was Darry. He knows that Soda and I wear the same size or close enough to the same size.

I just walked into the bedroom that Soda and Pony shared, grabbed a pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt, then went in the bathroom to take a shower. As I tossed my own dirty jeans on the ground, the five dollar bill my father gave me earlier in the week fell out of the pocket and floated to the ground like a leaf falling from a tree on an autumn day.

"Promises never last, do they, dad?" I whispered bitterly as I stepped into the shower letting the water mix with the tears that I could no longer hold back.


	7. Chapter 7

"I guess you're staying over again tonight, huh?" Ponyboy said when I came out of the bathroom.

"I guess." I replied. The last thing I wanted to do was make small talk with the kid. And I could tell he wasn't thrilled with the idea of me staying over for the third night that week. Like me, there are times when he likes to have Soda all to himself.

Darry walked past me. "Dinner's ready if you're hungry, Steve. Oh, and you might want to hurry up if you are, Two-Bit's coming over."

I walked to kitchen and sat down across from Soda who was finishing up his own dinner. The Curtises try to eat dinner together every night. Something my family never does. Unless it's a holiday or some other special event. And even then we don't really eat together.

"So, your old man called us hoodlums?" Soda asked after I filled my plate with the lasagna that Darry had made.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"Steve, don't let it bother you. You know we're not hoodlums." Soda said. He seems to know when something's bothering someone.

I dropped my fork on the plate and sighed. "Do you want to know something Soda? Once, just once, I would like my father to be proud of me. I'd like him to say something to me that isn't an insult or a sarcastic comment. Just once, I'd like to live in a normal family."

Soda stared at me. "Steve, I don't think there is such a thing as a normal family. Even my brother's and I aren't a normal family. I mean look, we're living without any parents."

"Yeah, but when your parents were alive, they never acted like mine." I pointed out.

Soda grinned. "No, but that doesn't mean they were normal. I mean, how many parents would name their kids Sodapop and Ponyboy?"

I had to laugh at that one. "Your parents were definately unique."

"Yeah, well enough about that. What's going on with those two cars back at work?" Soda always seems to know when to change the subject. And I was kind of glad he did because I wanted to get my mind off of my father, who was probably glad I wasn't at home.

I filled Soda in on the two cars, even though he already knew what was going on. I think he knew I needed to get my mind on something else. And Pony joined us by then, so he heard everything about the cars. I didn't even mind that Pony was there. At least not too much.

"Pony, are you done with your homework?" Darry asked from the living room.

"Yes, Darry." Pony yelled back.

"Where is it?" I had spent enough time at their house to know that 'where is it' means 'bring it here so I can check it'.

Ponyboy got up to get his homework and I finished telling Soda about the cars. So when Pony rejoined us, it was quiet. We sat in silence for a while. Then, Two-Bit arrived.

"Well, so much for a quiet evening." Pony mumbled. He was grinning though. It's hard not to grin when Two-Bit's around. Even I was grinning.

"Hey, ya'll. What's going on?" Two-Bit said sitting across from Ponyboy.

"Steve's dad called us hoodlums." Soda said.

"Really?" Two-Bit pretended to think about it. "Well, we could be called worse things. He could have called us socs."

I laughed along with Soda and Ponyboy. Two-Bit had a point. No greaser wants to be reffered to as a soc. We may not have much, but we do have our pride when it comes to being greasers.

"Got any food?" Two-Bit asked. And Pony gave me an 'I told you so look'. I shook my head and watched as Two-Bit started eating lasagna straight out of the pan.

"We do have plates, Two-Bit." Darry said. He nudged Pony who slid over so Darry could pull up a chair and join us.

"Yeah, but this way you'll have less dishes to wash." Two-Bit said with his mouth full.

"How thoughtful." Ponyboy said rolling his eyes.

"See, no family is normal, Steve." Soda said. "They all have their flaws. And who knows, maybe your dad is proud of you and doesn't know how to tell you."


	8. Chapter 8

I ended up spending the next two nights at the Curtis home as well. Much to Ponyboy's annoyance as well as Soda's happiness. Darry doesn't seem to care either way. Although I have heard him mumble once or twice that he'd like to pound my father's head in. Maybe he should.

"Are you living here now?" Two-Bit asked when he came over to drive me and Ponyboy to school on Monday morning. "You've been here three nights in a row."

"Leave him alone Two-Bit." Pony spoke up. It's not every day when the kid stands up for me. Especially when it comes to me staying over. "His father hasn't let him go back to his place. He's been wearing Soda's clothes all weekend."

I was glad that Pony didn't mention that I had tried to return home the night before but my father had screamed at me to get out of his face. Pony had been with me, although I'm not sure why he decided to come with. We usually never do anything together unless Soda or even Two-Bit is around. Pony said nothing as we turned around and went back to his place. And I wondered if he was thinking about his parents. Mr. and Mrs. Curtis never yelled. They sometimes lectured, but they never yelled. Not even when Soda got jailed for doing handstands down town. They also never hit their three sons. In fact, no hitting was a rule in the house. To bad it can't be a rule in every house.

"So Steve, are you working tonight?" Two-Bit asked, breaking into my thoughts.

"No, tomorrow night. It's a good thing my DX shirt is at your place, Pony." I commented as Ponyboy nodded silently.

After we got to school, and Two-Bit wandered off to flirt with a couple of blonde freshmen, I puleed Ponyboy aside. "Hey, thanks for not saying anything about yesterday."

Ponyboy looked at me with a serious expression on his face. "How can you live like that and not be like Johnny was?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Both of you basically come from abusive homes. His was physical, and it was killing him. Yours is more of a verbal and emotional abuse. How can you stand it? At least Johnny's bruises would fade over time. But what about you? You've got to have some sort of pain there, right?" Pony asked as we walked towards the entrance of the school.

"I don't know, kid. Maybe the best way I can describe it is, Johnny was like a car with all the dents ands damage you can easily spot. Me? I'm more like the damage you have to search for under the hood or the car itself. It's harder to fix sometimes, too because the inside of a car is more complex than what you see on the outside." I explained, knowing that Pony would understand what I was trying to say. He didn't know a lot about cars, but he knew enough to visualize what I was telling him.

"I never thought about it like that." Pony said. "I guess it makes sense."

"Yeah, I'll see you at lunch, right?" I asked. "Maybe we can go bug Soda."

Pony grinned. "Sounds good. He owes me a Pepsi from our poker game last night, anyway."

I laughed and turned to go towards my first class of the day. I didn't always like being around Ponyboy, but sometimes, he was okay. Like Soda, he tried to understand people. That was something I had to respect about him.


	9. Chapter 9

"Steve, are you staying over again tonight?" Soda asked. I had just arrived at work and he was getting ready to leave. We usually only work together on weekends.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll see if I can sleep at my place. My old man can't keep me out forever."

I hoped I sounded more convincing than I felt.

"Why don't you just talk to your dad?" Soda asked.

"I can't. You know what he's like. He'd just pick a fight. And then I'd be at your place because I was kicked out." I said.

Soda looked at me and sighed. "So, you're going to hide from the issue?"

"I'm not hiding from any issue." I grumbled softly. Glad that Soda would know I wasn't upset with him. He knows me well enough to know that I get upset when it comes to my father.

"Steve, follow me." Soda said as he walked outside. He led me to the garage where the two run down cars were. "Look at these cars. They've been beat up. Even the stuff we can't see from here is messed up, right?"

I nodded. This was sounding very familar.

"So, you're like these cars Steve. Only, you don't want to be fixed. Or at least you don't think you can be fixed. You think that you have to carry all the pain inside because you don't think anyone will be able to make it any better." Soda said with a seriousness I didn't hear too often from him. Ponyboy was usually the serious one.

I realized that Soda was telling me what I had told Ponyboy earlier. And I had a feeling that Soda was going to add more to what he was saying. Stuff I didn't want to hear but would have to hear anyway because that's how this stuff usually worked out.

Soda gave me the same pleading look he usually gave his brothers when they argued. "Pony always said that the abuse Johnny recieved from his parents was killing him. And I don't doubt it. But, the pain you're holding onto inside is killing you, too. I don't know everything that your dad says. I can't stand here and tell you what to do. But I can tell you that holding on to your emotions and refusing to let anyone know that you're hurting is going to end up killing you. Maybe not physically. But emotionally. I don't want to see that happen to you."

I forced myself to smile. "Soda, you know I can handle myself."

"Can you?" Soda asked softly. "I'm not sure if you can handle a problem if you try to hide it and pretend it isn't there."

If Soda had been anyone else, I probably would have smacked him. But instead I just told him that I'd think about what he said. Part of me knew that what he said was true. However, I didn't want to let him know that. Even if he was my best friend. Athough it was obvious that he already knew. If he didn't, he wouldn't have been saying all those things to me.

"You should probably go home." I told Soda. "I'll stop by after work."

"Okay." Soda agreed. "And you do know that you can stay over again, right?"

I grinned. "Yeah. But, I think I'll try to sleep in my own bed. If I can't then I'll stay at your place."

"I take it you'll go home first?" Soda asked.

I nodded. "By now, dad should be cooled off. And who knows? Maybe he'll give me some money. You know how he is."

Soda just shook his head and started to walk away. "I'll see you later."

I watched him leave before I went to work on the two cars. The parts I needed had come in so the boss wanted me to get them done as soon as possible. And I wanted to get them back to their owner.


	10. Chapter 10

Soda is like a brother to me, but there's one thing about him that drives me crazy. When he says something that he knows is true, it sticks with you. And it's usually something you don't want to stick with you. Yet, his words about me hiding the pain and not wanting to be fixed were repeating themselves in my mind as I worked on the cars and even as I walked home from work later that night.

"Man, I hate it when he does this." I said out loud even though no one was with me to hear.

Why did I hate it? Because deep down, I knew he was right. And I hate to admit when anyone is right. Even Soda. That and, I didn't want to admit that I was hiding any pain I was feeling. Although, Soda and even Ponyboy knew that I was hurting. Soda was right. I was hiding the pain, or trying to hide it, because I didn't want to be fixed. I didn't want anyone to know that I, Steve Randle, the tough greaser, was hurting inside.

I walked inside my house for the first time in four days. I knew no one was home. But, there was a ten dollar bill and a note on the table from my father. I threw the note away without looking at it and slipped the money into my pocket. Then I walked to my room and changed my shirt, not bothering to button it.

I stood in the middle of my room for a few minutes, debating on whether or not I wanted to stay. I decided to go back to the Curtis' house. Soda had invited me. And, I didn't know what kind of mood my father would be in when he got home, so, I left and took my car which had been sitting in the garage to the Curtis' house.

Ponyboy was walking to the house from the vacant lot. He was probably there watching the sunset. "Hey, Steve."

"Hey." I replied. "And yes I'm staying over again."

Ponyboy gave me a look. One that I sometimes get from Soda so I knew what he was thinking.

"My dad left me ten dollars." I said casually.

"Ten?" Ponyboy asked. He gave a low whistle. "I wish I could get ten dollars. Darry struggles to give me five each week for lunch and stuff."

"What about Soda?" I asked knowing that Soda would give Pony his entire pay check if he had to.

Ponyboy grinned. "Yeah, you're right. But things are extra tight this month. Don't say anything, but Darry's hours at the construction site got cut. So, he's kind of struggling to pay the bills."

"Since you've kept your mouth shut good about last night when you walked to my place with me, I won't tell your secret either." I told him. Although, I knew Soda would tell me the same thing later. Soda tells me everything. "Soda's here, right?"

Ponyboy nodded. "Yeah. I think he's making the chocolate cake for tomorrow. I think I've given up on him not adding too much sugar."

I grinned and left Ponyboy outside to gaze at the stars that were just starting to come out. I was surprised that Ponyboy had managed to have a conversation with me. He was usually quiet. That and I usually couldn't wait to end a conversation with him.

"You did decide to come over." Soda said when he saw me.

"Yeah, dad left me ten dollars this time." I said, leaning against the door frame.

Soda raised his eyebrows. "Ten? And did it take away the pain? Did it fix anything?"

I sighed. "No, and I really hate it when your right."

"So, why don't you try to find help?" Soda asked, ignoring my comment.

"Soda, I can't." I said a little more pathetically than I intended.

"Why not? You could go to a counsilor or social worker at school. That's what Pony did after Johnny died. And it won't cost anything." Soda said as he placed the cake in the oven to bake.

"I don't know Soda." I said slowly.

Soda looked at me. "Steve, you can't deal with this on your own. Give me one good reason why you would not want to get help."

I thought for a minute. "Because, if I get help, it would mean bringing everything out into the open and feeling the pain and I don't want that."

"So, you admit that you are holding on to the pain?" Soda asked.

I nodded. "And I'm not sure if I can let it go."

Soda placed his hand on my shoulder. "I wish you would. It was hard enough seeing Johnny go through all that physical pain. I don't like seeing you go through the emotional pain either."

I knew Soda was speaking what he felt. But, I was not ready to get help. It was hard enough admitting that he was right. All I wanted to do was hide all the pain I was feeling inside and not let anyone else know that I was hurting. I wanted to remain the tough greaser that everyone thought was incapable of feeling pain of any sort.


	11. Chapter 11

Soda, Ponyboy and I went to Jay's later that night. This time, I was the one who invited Pony. I figured since he was keeping his trap shut that I could be nice to him and have him come with. Sodas mouth dropped open in shock when I asked Pony to come with. But, hey, I can be nice to the kid. Besides, he's becoming less of a tag along brat as he gets older.

"Hey Steve, doesn't that look like the Mustang you're fixing back at the DX?" Soda asked. He was pointing at a light blue Mustang parked on the other side of the lot.

"Yeah. But the one I'm fixing is red. All I have to do is paint her and she's done." I replied.

"What about the other car?" Soda asked before taking a drink of his Pepsi.

"That one is almost done, too. I should have them both done by the end of the week." I said.

Ponyboy ate his food quietly in the back seat. I'm not sure if it's because he didn't know what Soda and I were talking about or if he was in one of his day dreaming moods. It's hard to tell with him.

Soda turned around in his seat. "How's school?"

"Okay." Pony mumbled.

"Okay?" I asked. "Kid, your english teacher submitted a poem or something that you wrote into a national contest and all you can say is, okay?"

"Really?" Soda grinned. "Why didn't you say anything? That's great! Darry would be proud."

Pony's ears turned red. "You guys, it's not that big of a deal. And it's not like it'll win. There's probably thousands of entries much better than mine."

"What happens if you do win?" Soda asked.

"The poem gets published in some magazine and I get a scholarship." Ponyboy said.

"You'll win." Soda said confidently and I nodded in agreement. I'd read some of Ponyboy's poems and stories and they were good.

Pony went back to eating. It was obvious that he didn't want to talk any more about the contest. He's always been kind of shy about his writing. More shy than he is when it comes to actually talking to people.

"I think I'll try to talk to a counsilor tomorrow." I said out loud.

"Huh?" Pony said from the back seat.

"Soda's been telling me to go talk to someone about what's been happening at home." I explained. "He thinks it'll help me."

"Yeah," Soda added, "Steve's like a car that looks good on the outside but is..."

"Messed up on the inside." Pony finished.

Soda raised his eyebrows in surprise. "How did you know that was what I would say?"

I grinned at Pony. "That's how I explained it to him before school. He walked with me to my place yesterday and kind of heard some of my father's remarks."

"And you didn't say anything?" Soda asked looking at Pony.

"Leave him alone, Soda. I asked him not to. And I'd really like this to stay between us." I said.

"Do you realize that you just stuck up for my brother?" Soda asked. "Usually, I'm the one who has to tell you to leave him alone. And I wasn't going to give him a hard time. You know that."

"I know." I replied. "And this is just between the three of us, right?"

"And the counsilor." Soda added.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. But do both of you promise not to say anything?"

"You know I won't." Soda said.

Ponyboy nodded. "I won't either."

I grinned and went back to eating my own burger which was now cold. But I didn't care. And I knew that now I had to talk to someone about my home life since I had just told my best friend and his brother that I would.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day at school, I was going o talk to a counsilor about what was happening at home. I had promised Soda before I left his house that I would. Something ponyboy reminded me of before he went off to his clases. But every time I walked past the office, I couldn't bring myself to go inside. So, I'd just continue walking to wherever I was going.

"Hey, did you talk to a counsilor yet, or at least get a pass to see one later?" Ponyboy asked when I arrived at our usual meeting spot at lunch.

"Um, I haven't had a chance to get in the ofice yet." I replied. "Where's Two-Bit?"

"He's already at his car waiting for us." Ponyboy said. "And was that you didn't have a chance to go in or you're too afraid to go in?"

I opened my mouth then closed it. I knew I couldn't argue with the kid. Not when I knew he had a point.

"You promised Soda you would." Ponyboy reminded me.

"I know. And we still have two more classes after lunch." I said.

Ponyboy looked at me. "You're not going to go are you?"

"I...Shoot kid, do you and your brother always have to be questioning people and jumping down their throats?" I snapped.

Ponyboy's eyes eyes widened but he didn't say anything. He just gave me a look that said 'I'm not the one refusing help.' It was a look Soda was giving me a lot lately.

I sighed. "Kid, I know you and Soda want me to be happy. It's just, you're the only ones who really know what my home life is like. Do you think it's easy to go tell some stranger? Especially someone who might decide to call social services if they think it's neccessary?"

"Steve, you're father's mentally and emotionally abusing you." Pony replied softly because we were closer to Two-Bit's car. "I don't know if social services would do anything about that."

I nodded. "Hey, Two-Bit."

"Hey. You two seem to be in a deep conversation. What's going on?" Two-Bit asked as he started the engine to his car.

"Nothing." Ponyboy said as he got in the back seat. "I was just telling Steve about something that happened in one of my classes. That's all."

"And you can't tell me?" Two-Bit asked with a wink.

"Trust me Two-Bit, you won't get it." I told him as he drove out of the parking lot. Glad that Pony was still keeping his trap shut. I glanced behind me and gave him a grateful smile and he just gave a small nod in return. He could be a tag along brat, but he was also loyal. Just like his brother.


	13. Chapter 13

After school, I finally went into the school office. Which is farther than I had gone the rest of the day when I was there. But when I got inside, I just stood there. Hopining no one would notice me so I could leave as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, the lady behind the desk saw me standing there, looking at the oil stain on my left Converse sneaker.

"May I help you?" She asked.

I looked up at her . "Um, is there a counsilor I can speak to?"

"I can see if one can speak to you tomorrow. Is that okay?" She was looking at me over the top of her glasses. Why do old people always look over the top of their glasses? Aren't they supposed to look through them?

"Yeah." I said glancing over my shoulder.

"Mrs. Nelsen can see you tomorrow during second period." The lady said as she wrote on a small peice of paper which she handed to me. "Here's a pass so you can get out of class."

"Thanks." I mumbled as I took the paper and turned to leave. I met Ponyboy outside the door. "Were you waiting to see if I'd keep my word?"

Ponyboy gave me a small grin. "Well, did yo talk to a counsilor?"

"No, but I have a pass to go see one during second period tomorrow." I replied.

"That's good." Ponyboy said as we walked outside. He scanned the parking lot. "Hey, where's Two-Bit? His car is gone."

I groaned."He probably gave some cute blonde a ride and forgot about us."

Ponyboy nodded in agreement. "He is a bit of a scatter brain. I guess this means we have to walk."

"I guess. But, I thought you liked walking. Darry's always hollering at you for walking all the time instead of getting a ride." I said, kicking a pebble.

Ponyboy looked at me. "You don't think Darry and your father are alike, do you?"

"What?" I stared at him, not sure what he was trying to say.

"The hollering. Is Darry's hollering like your father's? Or could it end up like your father's?" Ponyboy asked.

"Where in the world did you come up with that idea? Darry is nothing like my father." I finally replied.

Ponyboy just continued walking. He was thinking about what I said. I could tell by the way he was looking at the sidewalk as he walked.

"Kid, I know it's not the greatest feeling to get hollered at. But my dad is a drunk, abusive jerk. You and Soda both know that. Darry, is a perfectionist. He get's upset when things aren't perfect. But it's nothing like my father. Darry doesn't say the things my father does." I had been at their house enough to know that I was speaking the truth. "Besides, do you think it's easy for a twenty year old to suddenly become a parental figure to his two younger brothers?"

"I guess not." Ponyboy admitted. "I was just curious. You dig?"

"Yeah, I dig." I told him.

"Sometimes I wish my parents were still around. Then, Darry could be a normal twenty year old. He could be at college now instead of taking care of me and Soda." Ponyboy said softly.

I looked at him. "You know something, kid? I wish your parents were around, too. Your father was what I always wished my father would be like. And your mom made the best cookies in town."

"Soda tried baking mom's cookies once shortly after our parents died. He thought he'd add blue food coloring to them to make them more interesting. Darry and I refused to eat them because the blue dye made them look like they were moldy. Soda ended up throwing them away. He hasn't tried to make cookies since." Ponyboy told me. Both of us laughed.

"And he hasn't given up on cooking dinner?" I asked still laughing.

"No, but he's careful about the colors he chooses. At least Christmas was more festive with his red and green mashed potatoes." Ponyboy replied. We were at his house and he was holding the gate open for me.

"Speaking of food," Ponyboy was saying as we entered the house, "Do you want anything? I'm starving."

"No, I'm good." I told him as I turned on the radio and sat down on the couch.

Several minutes later, Soda came home from work, asking if the mail had come yet. Then, after removing his shoes, he looked at me. "Did you speak to a counsilor?"

"I have a pass to see one tomorrow." I replied.

"Good." Soda grinned at me. "I'm glad you'll be getting the help you need."

I gave him a punch in the arm. "This better work out, buddy."

"It will." Soda assured me as he entered the kitchen. "Hey, what should we have for dinner?"

"I don't know." I heard Ponyboy reply.

"I think we should have blue cookies for dessert!" I yelled from the couch and Ponyboy laughed.

"Pony! I can't believe you, of all people would share that story." Soda said to Ponyboy, but he was laughing too. And I thought once again about how I wished I had a family like the Curtises. Sure, they weren't perfect, but they got along real well.


	14. Chapter 14

During second period the next day, I found myself sitting on a chair in Mrs. Nelsen's office. She had a small room for an office. Hardly big enough for her desk, the two chairs, and the file cabinet. I looked around nervously while she took my file out of the file cabinet.

"So, why did you want to see me today, Steve?" Mrs. Nelsen asked. "Usually, I have to ask to see you. This is different."

I looked at the picture of her family on her desk. They seemed to be the perfect family in the picture. I wondered if they were.

"That was our Christmas portrait." Mrs. Nelsen told me.

I nodded.

"Steve, you do know that anything you tell me will be confidential unless I have to tell the authorities, right?" Mrs. Nelsen asked.

I nodded again. Suddenly wishing that I hadn't promised Soda and Ponyboy trhatr I would see her. I didn't want to tell her about my family.

"Do you have a question about college?" Mrs. Nelsen asked. "I know you'll be graduating next year."

"No." I replied. "I told my friends Soda and Ponyboy that I would talk to a counsilor."

Mrs. Nelsen smiled and nodded. She waiting patiently for me to continue.

"I've been staying at their house for the past week." I informed her.

"Are your parents out of town?" She asked.

"That would be nice." I mumbled.

"What?" She leaned closer.

"No, they're at home." I said, pulling threads from the hole in my jeans.

"Did Soda invite you to stay with them?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Sort of. Their older brother, Darry, leaves the door unlocked in case one of their friends needs a place to stay."

"Well, that's nice. It's better than staying outside in the cold." Mrs. Nelsen commented and I grinned. "But Steve, if your parents are home, why are you staying at the Curtis's?"

I frowned. "I don't want to go home."

"Why?"

"Because my father might yell at me." I said, feeling stupid.

"Did you do something that might make him mad at you?" Mrs. Nelsen asked softly. I was reminded of Mrs. Curtis when she would talk to me like that.

"He thinks I'm worthless." I found myself saying. "He's always telling me that I'm no good. That I'm a failure."

Mrs. Nelsen nodded slowly. "So, you don't want to go home because he might say something to you."

"My father never tells me that he's proud of me. He's always finding something wrong with me." I continued. I was surprised that I was saying all this to her. Then again, she was a lot like Mrs. Curtis and I felt comfortable talking to her.

"Steve, your father's words hurt you, don't they?" Mrs. Nelsen asked.

"That's what Soda and Ponyboy think." I replied.

"But, what about you? Do you think his words hurt you?" Mrs. Nelsen asked again.

I sat there for a minute. I didn't want to answer. But before I knew it, I was nodding my head.

"Do you believe what your father tells you?"

"How can I not believe it? I've been hearing about what a bad son I am since I was little." I said a little more harshly than I probably should have.

"Steve, you are not a failure, and you're not worthless." Mrs. Nelsen said. "What your father is telling you is wrong. He's abusing you emotionally by telling you those things."

"That's what Ponyboy said." I told her.

"He's right." She replied.

"Are you going to call social services?" I asked.

Mrs. Nelsen shook her head. "If he was physically abusing you, I'd have to call them. But, I would like to talk to you some more about this. How about next Tuesday at the same time?"

I nodded. "I could do that."

Mrs. Nelsen wrote me a pass so I could go back to class. "I'll see you next week. And Steve?"

I looked at her as I got up from my chair.

"You might want to talk to your friends about this. They might be able to help you, too." Mrs. Nelsen said. She smiled again as I turned to leave the room and I was suddenly glad that Soda and Ponyboy had made me promise that I would talk to someone about what I was dealing with at home.


	15. Chapter 15

I went home that night instead of staying at the Curtis home. The house was quiet when I walked in. Which isn't unusual, but after spending a few nights at the Curtis home where the television and radio are always on as loud as they can go, entering a quiet house can seem strange. But, it's also peaceful. At least there's no fighting when no one is home.

I opened the ice box to see if there was anything to eat before going down the hall to my room. Everything was where I had left it. My bed was still unmade, the blankets half on the floor and half on the bed. The car magazines were still scattered all over the floor along with a mixture of clean and dirty clothes. My old teddy bear from my childhood sat on a shelf among the model cars that I had made, staring down at me with it's green button eyes.

I looked at the teddy bear for a minute before I took it off the shelf. When I was little, I used to believe that the bear could make everything okay. That if I hugged it tight enough, the problems of the day would go away. Of course, I know better now. A stuffed toy can't make any problem go away. But in my childhood, that's what I thought. And part of me wishes that things were that easy.

Holding the bear in my hand, I sat down on the bed, almost jumping up when the springs squeeked. I sat there looking at the old teddy bear. I could see the areas where my mother had to restitch him because the stuffing had started to fall out. I saw the paint stain on it's back where I had accidently dripped paint while painting a model car. The matted fur from when I would cry as a child while holding on to it for dear life. The bear had been through a lot, yet unlike me, it never seemed to be affected. It always looked at you with its green button eyes and stitched on smile.

"Steve, are you home?" The sound of my mother's voice came towards my room. A minute later, she appeared in the doorway, dressed in a waitress uniform. She smiled as she joined me on the bed. "I haven't seen you hold that bear in years. When you were little, you never let him out of your sight."

I looked at her. "This old bear has been through a lot, hasn't he?"

"I'd say so." My mom said with a nod of her head. "Of course, we've been through a lot, too. And the bear has been through it all since the day you were born."

I thought about that as my mother squeezed my shoulder before leaving the room. What she said was true, the bear had been through a lot with me. Even if I thought I was too old to hug a teddy bear when things weren't great, the old bear would always be there for me.

I thought about how I would take my anger out on the bear when I was little, throwing and sometimes even kicking it across the room after my father would yell at me for no reason. Or how I would tell the bear everything that I wanted to say to my father when I was mad at him, but couldn't. The bear always just looked at me with that stitched on smile, like everything was okay. Or was it?

The convesations with Ponyboy, Soda and Mrs. Nelsen filled my thoughts suddenly. And even though I compared myself to a car and Soda did the same thing, I realized that I was also like that old bear. No matter how much my father hurt me with his words, I always tried to act like things were okay. I had my own sort of stitched on smile for when I was with my friends. But, fortunately for me, two of those friends cared enough to see past the fake smile.

I stood up and returned the bear to it's place on the shelf, turning it slightly to face the bed. It sat in the middle of the model cars and for the first time as I looked at that shelf, I understood why Soda and Ponyboy wanted me to get help. They knew that I couldn't always go through life with a fake smile like the bear or function properly with the inner pain that my father caused me, like a car can't function properly if something under the hood is damaged. I didn't like risking my reputation as a tuff greaser, but if I didn't continue to get help, I would only be tuff on the outside where people could see. I wanted to be tuff on the inside too even if no one ever knew what was going on in there.


	16. Chapter 16

"Pony told me that you finally spoke with a counsilor." Soda was saying the next afternoon at work. "How did it go?"

I looked up from the car I was working on. "It was okay."

Soda tilted his head. "Just okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm seeing her again next week."

"That's good." Soda said. "I take it you stayed at your place last night?"

"My father never came home last night. Besides, I stay at your place enough. I don't want Darry to start thinking that I live there." I told him, although I think that last statement may have been a little closer to the truth than I had thought. I did spend a lot of time at the Curtis home.

Soda laughed and threw a greasy rag at me. "Darry wouldn't think that. Besides, it was his idea to leave the front door unlocked so you or one of the gang could come over instead of sleeping on the street somewhere."

"Who else stays at your place besides me?" I asked. "Johnny and Dally aren't around anymore. And Two-Bit usually ends up watching his sister."

Soda thought for a moment. "Pony has seen Tim on our couch reading the paper a few times."

"But that's not often." I pointed out. "If it were I'd see him, too."

Soda just looked at me. His brown eyes serious instead of shining with happiness for once. "If you couldn't stay at my house Steve, where would you stay when your father kicks you out every week?"

I stared back at him with my mouth open. He knew as well as I did that the answer was probably on the streets or the vacant lot by his house. Which aren't the safest places to sleep. Although, I have stayed at Two-Bit's a few times and even Buck's when Dally was still around.

"Admit it Randle, if it weren't for my family, you'd be in worse shape than you are now." Soda said.

I turned my attention back to the car I was working on. There was truth to Soda's statement. If it weren't for his family, I'd probably have more hatred towards people. I might even be a little more like Dally, hard, cold and unable to feel any emotion except anger and hatred. Fortunately, I wasn't like Dally and I didn't want to be like him.

"I have to go." Soda said. "I'm glad you saw your counsilor. This is going to be good for you."

I didn't look up as I replied, "I hope so."

"It will." Soda assured me.

I continued to work on the car even as Soda walked away. I knew I'd probably see him later anyway. Even if I didn't stay at his place, I usually stopped by there after work on my way home. It was the only way that I'd be guaranteed to have dinner.

"I see you have a new car to work on." George commented from behind me.

I turned around, wiping my hands on the rag Soda had tossed at me earlier. "Yeah, the other two cars are back with their owner now. He was very pleased with them."

George smiled. "I would be pleased too if my car had the special Randle touch to it. Kid, it wouldn't surprise me if you owned your own garage someday."

"Really?" I asked.

"Sure." George said. "You're already good at fixing cars and you certainly have the brains to run your own business."

George walked away, leaving me alone to think about what he had said. My father never would have told me something like that. To him, working in a garage is a waste of time, unless, it means fixing his car. Maybe George was right, maybe I could own my own garage someday. But even as I tried to see myself with my own business, I could hear my father's voice screaming that I wasn't smart enough or good enough to run my own business.


	17. Chapter 17

I probably shouldn't have gone home after work, but I did anyway. I was in a good mood after talking to George some more about me owning my own garage in the future and it felt really good to have someone believe in me. But my good mood quickly disappeared when I entered my house and saw my father standing in the middle of the kitchen grumbling about supper not being done.

"Start dinner." My father snapped when he saw me. "I've had a long day at work and for once I'd like to come home to a nice hot meal."

"Mom and I work, too." I mumbled.

"What was that you good for nothing punk?" My father asked.

I looked at him, knowing my face probably looked just as angry as his did. "I said, mom and I work, too. No one was here to cook dinner."

My father made a huffing sound before going on with his rambling. "I swear your mother and you are the laziest people I know. You always hanging around with those hoodlums. And your mother doing who knows what. Nothing is ever done right here."

I tried to ignore him and focused on preparing dinner. The soup I had put in the pot was starting to get warm and the sent drifted up towards my nose reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything since that morning.

Then I heard my father say something that I will never forget. Even though I wish I could forget it.

He had been yelling about the same stuff he always yells about, but then suddenly I heard him say, "If there was a way to end a pregnancy and if I had known that you would have turned out like this, I would have had your mother end her pregnancy with you."

I just stood there in shock, the spoon in my hand, dripping broth onto the stove. My father had said hurtful things to me before, but nothing like this. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't even know what to think. The spoon fell out of my hand, bouncing off the stove and landing on the floor as I quickly spun around to face my father.

"Consider it done." I said as angrily as I could to hide the the fact that I was fighting back tears. Then, I ran out of the house, not bothering to look back. In less than an hour I went from being in a good mood to angry and upset.I ran to Soda's house, pushing open the front door and walking blindly to the couch.

"Did you just get jumped?" Darry asked. His voice startled me even though I kneew he was in the room.

I shook my head numbly, not wanting to speak. I felt Soda sit next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Easy buddy." Soda soothed. "What happened? I don't think I've ever seen you like this."

By then Ponyboy was also in the room. "What's going on?"

"Was it your father?" Soda asked softly.

I couldn't answer, instead, the tears I had been holding in since my father said those words came flowing out. And I couldn't stop them even though I wanted too. My face was becoming wet with tears, along with my sleave which I used to wipe my eyes. The room was silent except for my crying. I could feel Soda move a little closer to me and at some point, Pony handed me a box of kleenex.

"He didn't hit you, did he?" Darry asked, once I had calmed down a little.

I just looked at him before I realized that he was thinking about Johnny. The truth is, I almost wish I had been hit. "No, he didn't hit me."

"Can you tell us what happened?" Soda asked.

At first, I just sat there, not wanting to repeat what had happened. But then, I realized that if I kept this inside, it would end up hurting me more than it already did. So, I told them what had happened, a fresh wave of tears flowing down my face by the time I was done.

"I shouldn't be crying." I said as I blew my nose.

"Why?" Soda asked. "Do you think you're not tough because you're crying?"

I shrugged. "It's just, greaser's aren't known for crying. We're supposed to be tough, not weak."

"Has anyone ever wondered why crying is a sign of weakness?" Ponyboy asked thoughtfully. "What if it really is a sign of being tough?"

I sighed. "Maybe the kid's right."

Darry stood up and stretched. "Well, you can help yourself to what ever is left from our dinner. I'm sure you're starving since you didn't have any of the soup you made at your place." He left the room, leaving me with Soda and Ponyboy.

"I can't believe your father said that." Soda mumbled.

"Neither can I." I admitted. "And I was there. I heard him say it."

I stood up and walked to the kitchen with Soda following behind. I helped myself to pork chops and mashed potatoes before I sat down to eat.

"Are you going to tell your counsilor what happened?" Soda asked.

I looked at him and swallowed. "I don't know."

Ponyboy stood in the doorway, watching. "He told us, Soda. That's more than he usually does."

Soda grinned at him. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I just wish my best friend didn't have to hear stuff like that."

Ponyboy looked at me. "Are you going to act like nothing happened when you see him again?"

I thought for a minute. When I ran out of the house, I didn't think I would go back. And sitting with Soda and Ponyboy, I still didn't think I would go back to my place. But I knew that at some point, I would have to face my father again.

"I don't know, Pony. But I do know that he can't buy back his words. Not this time." I replied.

"He never could to begin with." Soda said. "You've always held on to them."

There was truth to that and we all knew it. I never forgot anything my father said to me. It's unfortunate that most of it is bad stuff. Stuff that I have been keeping to myself for way too long.


	18. Chapter 18

In the middle of the night, I woke up and instead of going back to sleep, I found some old photo albums on the book shelf and went to the kitchen to look at them, turning on the light before I sat down at the table. The house was quiet and dark except for in the kitchen where I sat looking through the photo albums. The Curtis brothers were all asleep leaving me to sit alone with my thoughts.

Most of the pictures I looked at were of Darry, Soda and Ponyboy. There were pictures of them opening gifts during Christmas or a birthday parrty. Some of them were family pictures that someone else took or vacation photos.

Several photos had me in them. There was one of Soda's seventh birthday and the two of us were smiling for the camara, gaps in our mouths where baby teeth had fallen out. I saw one of Mr. Curtis showing me how to throw a football, and one of me and Soda dressed up as real cowboys for halloween. I looked happy in the photos, but as I looked at them, I knew I wouldn't find many photos like that at my house. I knew there were some of me as a baby. But none of them were like the ones in these photo albums.

"Looking through the photo albums?" Darry asked, sitting down next to me.

"Yeah, I couldn't get back to sleep." I admitted.

"Well, I'm not sure if I'd be able to sleep if my dad said what your did." Darry said.

I looked at him and back at the photo album. Darry and I rarely had conversations without someone else being a part of it. And I wasn't sure what to say.

"My parents thought of you as another son." Darry continued. "You miss them, don't you?"

I nodded. "Why can't my parents be like that, Darry?"

"I don't know, Steve." Darry replied. He opened a photo album and started to look through it. "Soda always wanted to be in the photos. Look, here he is trying to sit on mom's lap while she's holding Pony."

"How old is Ponyboy there?" I asked.

"Probably a few months old." Darry guessed. "Soda always wanted to be around Pony. Probably because they were closer in age. He didn't understand that Pony was a baby and couldn't play with him."

I found myself grinning as Darry told me this. "And what were you doing then?"

"I was in first grade so I was probably in school or playing with my friends." Darry said thoughtfully.

"I don't think I ever heard your parents yell at any of you." I said suddenly.

Darry looked up at me. "Mom had this quiet, yet stern voice whenever we did something wrong and so did dad. But mom's was the one that you tried to avoid. You knew you were in trouble if you made mom mad."

"But they never hit you." I said and noticed a look of guilt wash over Darry's face. He still felt guilty about the time he hit Ponyboy after Pony came home after falling asleep in the lot.

"No, they didn't." Darry said. "Pony, Soda and I weren't even allowed to hit each other. If we did, we were sent to our room."

We went back to looking at the the photos for a while. Laughing at old pictures of us when we were younger. The whole time, my father's comment replayed itself in my mind.

"Darry, do you think my father was right about what he said tonight?" I asked as I turned the page in the photo album I was looking at.

Darry sighed and looked at me. "No Steve, I don't think he was right. He was wrong to tell you that and you shouldn't believe that his comment is right whether he meant it or not."

"Then why can't I stop thinking about it?" I asked more to myself than Darry.

Darry replied anyway. "Because it's something you never should have heard and it came from someone who shouldn't say something like that."

"And Soda's right about me holding onto my father's words." I added.

Darry nodded. "Soda worries about you, Steve. I don't know what goes on as well as he does, but I do know that he hates to see you go through the stuff you put up with at your house. He seems to have this ability to know when you're upset and it makes him upset, too."

I grinned and shook my head. "I think he has that ability with everyone. He's probably the only one who understands me."

"Steve, Pony and I would like to understand you, too." Darry said. "None of us wants you to end up doing something you might regret later. I already know you talk to Soda and sometimes even Pony, but you can also talk to me any time. You're family Steve, and you can talk to me about anything."

"Thanks, Darry." I said. "I think I'll try to go back to sleep now."

I stood up and walked back to the living room and laid down on the couch. Darry turned off the kitchen light and went back to his room. The house was quiet again, my father's comment still replayed in my mind, but I knew that I had people to talk to who would help me to start letting go of my father's words.


	19. Chapter 19

I could barely concentrate in my classes the next day. All I could think about was my father and everything he said to me. Not just the comment he made the night before, but all the other things he said. Also, I thought about what Soda had been trying to tell me along with his brothers. They knew my father was wrong, and I knew they wanted me to believe that he was wrong, too. But he's my father, and fathers aren't supposed to tell their kids something that isn't true, right?

"Steve?" I looked up and found Two-Bit grinning down at me. "Are you going to come with Pony and me to have lunch, or are you going to sit through this class a second time?"

I forced myself to grin and stood up. "Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind today."

Two-Bit gave me a weird look. "Are you okay? Pony's usually the one who gets lost in thought, not you."

I nodded. "I'm fine, Two-Bit."

Two-Bit shrugged and walked out of the classroom with me following behind him. We met Pony outside on the front steps where he sat smoking a cigarette. He stood up when he saw us, and held the pack of cigaretttes out to us. Two-Bit and I each took one and the three of us walked to Two-Bit's car, glaring back at the socs who were glaring at us as we walked by.

"I hate it when they look at us like that." Pony mumbled. He dropped the end of his cigarette and it rolled away. "Just because they have money doesn't make them better than us."

We got into Two-Bit's car and left the parking lot. I gazed out the window and let my mind wander back to my father. Soda was right, I never let go of the things my father said to me. I held on to them and let them replay in my mind repeatedly like a new record that you really like and can't stop listening to.

"You two really need to let other people talk." Two-Bit commented.

I turned around in my seat only to find Pony looking out his window, lost in his own thoughts. But he turned to look at Two-Bit who was talking about a blonde in one of his classes. Pony and I exchanged a look and went back to gazing out our windows. Once we got to the grocery store and Two-Bit wandered inside, Pony spoke for the first time since we got in the car.

"You're thinking about your father, aren't you?" He asked.

I sighed. "It's that obvious?"

"I know you're not thinking about cars. You would be smiling if you were." Ponyboy commented.

I had to smile when he said that.

"You believe your father's words, don't you?" Pony asked softly. He leaned forward in the seat, waiting for my reply.

I thought about it. I wanted to tell him no, that I didn't believe my father's words. But, I knew Pony would know I was lying. So, I gave him a small nod instead, hoping that would be enough of an answer to satisfy him. It turned out, it had to be enough anyway because Two-Bit showed up then, and started handing out Pepsies to us.

We all sat and drank our sodas in silence. But not for long, because Two-Bit can't keep quiet for long.

"You two have become very friendly lately, what's going on?" Two-Bit asked. "And don't tell me it's nothing because I know the two of you don't usually get along unless Soda is around."

I sighed, Two-Bit had known me as long as Soda and Pony had. He knew my father kicked me out of the house at least once a week. He knew I often stayed at the Curtis house. But he didn't know how things really were. It was time to let him know what was going on.

"Okay, I'll tell you." I said, and I told him everything ending with my father's comment from the night before.

"I knew it had something to do with your father." Two-Bit grumbled. "You've never been good at hiding your feelings about him."

"I'm seeing one of the school counsilors once a week." I said. "Soda and Pony thought it would be a good idea."

Two-Bit nodded slowly. "I can't believe you put up with your father saying stuff like that about you. It would be different if it were a soc, but, your father? That's almost as bad as watching Johnny's parents beat the tar out of him."

"No, it's worse." Pony said softly. "Johnny could always come to one of our houses or go somewhere else to escape the beatings. Steve can't escape his father's wods, they stay in his mind where he hears them repeatedly until he believes them."

I nodded in agreement.

"You believe that garbage?" Two-Bit asked. "You are the best mechanic in town, and you believe that you're a failure and that you never should have been born? Steve, you are not what your father tells you, you dig?"

"Yeah, I dig." I told him.

Two-Bit looked at me and shook his head. "I think you need to convince yourself of that."

"Let's go back to school." Pony spoke up from the back seat. "Lunch period is almost over."

We drove back to school and Two-Bit started telling jokes to lighten the mood. By the time we got back to school, we were all laughing, even though the conversation at the grocery store was still fresh in our minds.


	20. Chapter 20

I walked to the DX station after school with Ponyboy. We were going to buy a few Pepsies and bother Soda for a while. The DX was almost half way between the school and the Curtis' house. So, it wasn't unusual for us to stop there after school. besides, I had to look at my schedule for the following week anyway.

"Hey, get to work!" I yelled as Pony and I crossed the parking lot.

Soda looked up from the garbage he was taking out of one of the garbage cans. When he saw Pony and me, he grinned and waved. Then, he motioned for me to walk over to him.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Your father was here earlier." Soda said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled five dollar bill. "Told me to give this to you. And he also said you can go home."

"You can keep the money, Soda. I don't want it and I'm not going home." I told him. The anger and hurt I had felt the previous night returning.

"Are you never going back there?" Soda asked. "Are you just going to stay wherever you can find a place like Dally did?"

I sighed. "What else am I supposed to do, Soda?"

Soda put a hand on my shoulder. "You know you can stay with us. But you're going to have to face your father sooner or later. You can't run from your problems forever."

"I'm not running." I protested. "I just don't want to live in a house where I'm not wanted."

"You want to ignore your problems instead of facing them." Soda said seriously.

"I am facing them." I said. "I'm seeing the counsilor, right?"

"Yes, but you're still trying to bury the hurt. You're still trying to act like nothing's wrong. Steve, no one can help you if you don't want it. I think you're just going through the motions to make me and Pony happy." Soda said. His eyes full of concern.

I just stared at him. Soda rarely let on when something was bugging him. He was almost as good as I was at hiding his feelings. Only, there always came a point when he'd just let it all out and I think that's what he was doing now.

"Soda, I do want help, okay? But, this isn't easy for me. I don't want you to think I'm only doing this because you and Pony insisted on it. I'm doing this because I want to." I said after a minute of silence.

Soda gave me a small grin. "So, you're not just seeing your counsilor to make me and Pony happy?"

"No." I said. "Maybe at first I did. But, now I want to go. It was nice to finally talk to someone about what's been going on."

Ponyboy joined us then, handing me a Pepsi. He took a drink from his own Pepsi before looking at Soda. "What time do you get off?"

"At around five." Soda replied.

"That reminds me," I said, "I was going to look at next week's schedule."

I left Pony and Soda standing by the garbage can and went inside to look at the schedule. When I entered the back office, I found George sitting there, looking at his own schedule. He looked up and grinned when he saw me.

"Looks like we get to work together a few times next week." He told me as he handed me the schedule. "Soda works with us too, on Saturday."

"The three of us always work together on Saturday." I reminded him. "It's our busiest day of the week."

"Yeah." George agreed. "That's because we have Soda's good looks, your talent for working on cars, and my sense of wisdom."

"Right." I said putting down the schedule. "I'll see you later, George. Soda's brother and I should get going."

"The younger one?" George asked.

"Yeah, he wanted to have a Pepsi." I told him.

"He looks like a younger version of Soda." George commented.

I almost laughed. "Pony doesn't seem to think so. But I guess they do look a lot alike."

I left the office and went back outside where Soda and Pony were washing someone's windshield. They joined me when they were finished.

"I guess we should go." I said.

Ponyboy sighed. "Yeah, Darry will have a fit if he comes home and I don't have my homework started. He wasn't too happy about the grade I got on my algebra test last week."

Soda playfully punched him in the arm. "You got a B on that test. That's not bad."

Pony grinned at him. "A B minus, Soda. Darry wanted me to get an A."

"I'll see you two in a couple of hours." Soda said, walking towards a car that had just pulled up.

Ponyboy and I left and continued the walk to his house in silence. We still found it hard to talk to each other even though we were getting along better. And I think Pony was still a little wary of me. He didn't know if I was going to be friendly towards him, or act like he was just a tag along brat. But, he didn't try to stay away from me like he used to. He just walked beside me in silence, kicking a pebble with his shoe as we walked down the street.


	21. Chapter 21

The next few nights, I stayed at the Curtis, returning to my house only to pack a bag of clothes so I wouldn't have to wear Soda's all the time. There was a note from my mom on my bed, along with my old teddy bear which she must have taken off the shelf. I placed both in the bag with my clothes, vowing to read the note later. Then I left the house, closing the door behind me. I didn't want to stick around in case my father showed up. So far, I had managed to avoid him and I planned to keep it that way.

"Stopped by your place to grab some clothes?" Darry asked when I entered the Curtis' home carrying my bag over my shoulder.

I nodded as I let the bag slide off of my shoulder and onto the floor, shoving it out of the way with my foot. "I can't wear Soda's clothes all the time."

"Pony does." Soda joked as he came out of the kitchen with a glass of chocolate milk. I could tell that he had just got home from work by the way his DX shirt laid in a crumpled heap on the floor.

"That's because the two of us don't make enough to get new clothes all the time." Darry said as he looked up at Soda from the chair. "When you finish your chocolate milk, pick up your DX shirt and toss it in the wash with the rest of your dirty laundry."

Soda looked at me and grinned. "Are you sure you want to stay here?"

"It's either here or at Two-Bit's." I replied. "At least I know I'm coming here to a clean house."

"Two-Bit's house isn't that bad." Soda said as he finished the last of his chocolate milk. "His mom keeps it clean."

"I was talking about his room." I replied with a grin. "The last time I saw it, I couldn't see the carpet underneath all the junk."

Darry laughed, knowing as well as I did that Two-Bit isn't known for doing house work, although he wil help clean up a mess if he helped make it. Darry always makes sure that Ponyboy and Soda help out around the house, especially since social services check up on them once a month. The last thing they want is for social services to decide to seperate them and put Ponyboy and Soda in a boys home. If they ever got seperated, they'd lose the only family they have left which is each other. And I'd lose my best friend. I can't imagine not having Soda around.

"Hey Steve, do you want to help me put my laundry in the wash?" Soda asked. "That way you'll know how to use our washer when you do your own laundry."

I followed him to his room where he grabbed a laundry basket full of clothes, dropping the DX shirt on the pile and then we went down stairs into the basement where they kept the washer and drier. Their basement is small and used mostly for storage and doing laundry. I knew they had a lot of their parent's things down there that they didn't want to get rid of but couldn't bring themselves to look at.

"Was your father at your house when you got your clothes?" Soda asked me as I watched him put detergent into the washer.

"If he was there, I would have waited to get my clothes until he was gone." I replied.

Soda turned and looked at me. "You'll have to face him sooner or later, you know that don't you?"

I nodded. "And I prefer later."

Soda sighed and turned on the washing machine before leading the way back upstairs. I knew he wanted to say more, but thought he'd be wasting his time if he did and maybe he was right. I had my mind made up and it was hard to change it. Besides, Soda and I have only got into one fight in all the years we've been friends. And I knew he didn't want to get into another one, especially since I was staying at his house.

When we got back upstairs, Darry was starting dinner and Ponyboy was sitting at the table doing homework. Darry had this rule about doing homework or at least starting it before dinner. At least that's what I think since Pony is usually working on homework while dinner is being prepared. Darry always makes sure that Pony's homework is done by the end of the night, something my parents rarely did and Darry is only twenty-one.

"I think I'll start my homework too," I said as I got my books and sat at the table with Ponyboy. He looked up from his biology book long enough to raise his eyebrows at me. I usually did my homework in the living room in front of the television, but I thought I'd join the kid and do my homework at the kitchen table.

"You went to your place, didn't you?" Pony asked softly so Darry and Soda wouldn't hear.

"Yeah, I just grabbed a bunch of my clothes." I replied. "and no, my father wasn't there."

"I wasn't going to ask if your father was there." Ponyboy said. "You wouldn't have gone in there if he was."

It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. "How did you know? Even Soda asked if my father was there."

Pony shrugged. "I figured if you wanted to go to your house when your old man was there that you would have done so by now."

I have to admit that I was surprised that Ponyboy said that considering that he doesn't know me as well as Soda does. It almost made me feel like he understood. But I knew there was no way he could ever understand what my home life was like because even Soda didn't even know much about that area of my life. Still, I was glad that Ponyboy didn't make a big deal about me avoiding my father.


	22. Chapter 22

The next afternoon, I met with Mrs. Nelson again. Her office seemed to be more cluttered than it did the week before, or maybe I just hadn't paid attention to how her office looked. Once again, I found myself sitting in a chair, looking at the certificates on the wall.

"How was your week?" Mrs. Nelson asked, probably to try to get the conversation going.

"It was okay," I replied.

"Steve, you can tell me if anything is going on," Mrs. Nelson said. She smiled at me as she opened my folder.

"My father said something that he shouldn't have said," I told her, glancing over my shoulder as if I expected someone to be standing there.

"What did your father say?" Mrs. Nelson asked me.

At first, I just sat there, debating on whether or not I wanted to repeat the story. After a minute or so, I slowly began telling Mrs. Nelson what had happened as she wrote in my folder. It seemed to take a long time to tell her the whole story, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Have you seen your father since then?" Mrs. Nelson asked me.

I shook my head. "No, I returned to the house yesterday to pack a bag of clothes, but no one was home."

"Where are you staying?"

"At the Curtis' house," I admitted, "they've always let me stay over when my father's kicked me out. They're like a second family to me."

We sat in silence for a minute before I said," My mom left me a note. It was laying on my bed yesterday when I went there to get my clothes."

"Did you read it?" Mrs. Nelson said.

I had, but I didn't want to share what my mom had written to me; it was too personal. Instead, I nodded my head which seemed to satisy Mrs. Nelson because she didn't ask anything else about the note.

"I think you need to talk to your father," Mrs. Nelson told me. "Tell him how you feel."

"I can't," I replied.

"Why not?" Mrs. Nelson asked and I almost laughed because the way she asked it reminded me of Soda.

"Because I can't," was all I said and I meant it. besides, how could I tell my father how I felt when I wasn't even speeking to him?

"Steve, I can't force you to talk to your father, just like your friends couldn't force you to see me," Mrs. Nelson was saying, "But I want you to at least think about it."

"Okay," I agreed as I stood up. It was time for me to leave and go back to class.

"I'll see you next week," Mrs. Nelson said as I walked out of her office. I barely made it back into the hall when Ponyboy ran up to me.

"How did it go?" He asked, falling into step next to me.

"It went okay," I replied. "She thinks I should talk to my father."

"Soda thinks that,too," Ponyboy told me.

"I know," I admitted," but I can't. He wouldn't listen anyway."

Ponyboy was silent for a minute before he said," I'm not going to tell you to talk to your father or if I agree with Soda, because if Darry and I were still fighting like we used to, I'd probably feel the same way you do."

I knew about the fights Darry and Ponyboy used to get into because Soda used to tell me about them. It bothered Soda to see his brothers fight and it bothered him even more when they would try to involve him. I guess, it bothered him to know my father and I were arguing. After all, in his eyes, I was probably lucky to still have a father, and here I was acting like I didn't have one because I was refusing to speak to him.

"I told Mrs. Nelson that I'd think about talking to my father," I told Ponyboy.

"Hey, I don't care if you talk to your father or not," Pony said. "However, I think it would mean a lot to Soda if you did. He doesn't want you to go through life running away from your problems. You'll still be tough if you talk to your father, Steve. No one is going to think that it's a sign of weakness."

I shook my head, "Maybe to you it's not a sign of weakness, but to me it is. Kid, I was raised not to show any emotion. Especially if that emotion showed that I was hurt in some way. Your home is the only place where showing any sort of emotion has been okay in my life. If I were to talk to my father and start letting every little piece of hurt that he's caused me out, it would mean that I'm weak."

"Did it ever occur to you that you could be weak for not letting people know that you're hurting?" Pony asked before turning and walking down a different hall towards his next class.

I stood there staring after him. It was probably the first time he had ever said anything like that to me. Probably because in the past I would have threatened to pound his head in, Soda's brother or not. He did have a point, I'm not saying he was right, but he did have a point. I also knew that Soda would have said the same thing or something very similar if he had been there with us. It was time for me to decide if running away from my problems was really worth it or if I should start facing them.


	23. Chapter 23

Soda was already at home when Ponyboy and I got there after school. He looked up from the game show he was watching when we walked in the door. "Your father came to the DX again today, Steve. He wants to know why you haven't gone home yet."

"What did you tell him?" I asked, sitting down on the couch next to him.

Soda sighed, "I told him I didn't know why you weren't going home. I wasn't going to tell him you were refusing to go home because you didn't want to speak to him."

Ponyboy went to the kitchen to grab an apple out of the ice box before going to the room he and Soda shared to start his homework. He gave me a look as he passed by and I remembered what he said to me earlier. I had a feeling that Soda was going to end up saying something very similar to me and from the way Ponyboy looked at me, I could tell he knew it, too.

"Does he know I'm staying here?" I asked.

"I think he does," Soda answered. "We've been best friends since the first grade, I think this would be his first guess as to where you're staying."

I nodded and tried to focus on the television even though I don't like game shows and I don't think Soda likes them either. But it was a good distraction. As long as the television was on, I could usually avoid answering questions. But that was when someone else was in the room to talk to Soda. Since Ponyboy had gone to do his homework, that meant that Soda was going to try talking to me about why I wasn't going home, and knowing him, he wasn't going to let me get by with the usual answers.

"Steve, you can't hide from your father forever," Soda said.

"I know," I sighed, "but I can't face him either."

"Why not? You did nothing wrong," Soda replied. "He's the one who spoke without thinking."

"Soda, you're father never would have said something like that," I said.

Soda looked at me. "Steve, I no longer have a father. You on the other hand still have a father. Don't you think you can at least talk to him? It's not like I'm suggesteing that you go home."

"What is it with people suddenly wanting me to talk to my father?" I asked angrily.

"Maybe they want you to appreciate what you have," Soda snapped, which is something he rarely does.

I stared at Soda, it wasn't like him to talk like that. He was usually the understanding one. The one who would listen to complaining and not try to change your mind even if he didn't always agree.

"Soda," I said carefully in case he really was upset, "I can't talk to my father. At least not now."

"Why not?" Soda asked. "The longer you wait, the harder it will be to talk to him."

"Why should I talk to him when he's the one who said he didn't want me?" I asked in response.

"Did it occur to you that maybe he didn't mean it? Darry's said things to Pony that he didn't mean and you don't see him running away."

"Pony did run away once," I reminded him. "You cried every night that week."

"But he came back," Soda replied, "and he knows now that Darry's just trying to hard to make something of him. Maybe your father is trying to do the same thing with you. After all, you don't want to live in this neighborhood your whole life, do you?"

I shook my head, "No, but Soda, his words hurt me."

Soda gave me a sad smile. "I know, buddy. But you're only hurting yourself more by not dealing with the issue. It's not your father who's being hurt by this, it's you. Your father is going on with his life while you hold onto every little thing he's said that has hurt you. Steve, there comes a time when everyone has to remove their band-aids, no matter how much it hurts."

"In other words, Pony was right," I mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Ponyboy actually told me that maybe I'm weak because I won't speak to my father. He said that maybe showing that he hurt me would mean that I'm tough," I explained.

Soda grinned, "He's right. If you face your father and let him know that his words hurt you, maybe you'll feel better. You don't have to act like it never happened. I just want you to realize that the longer you avoid your father, the harder it's going to be to face him. Plus, the longer you wait, the more his words are going to hurt you because you're just going to keep repeating them to yourself."

I put my head in my hands and sighed. I knew what Soda was saying and he had a point. I also knew that he was right, even though I didn't want to admit it. There was going to come a point where I would have to speak to my father.

"Steve?" Soda asked putting a hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to see him today, but I think you should see him soon."

I nodded slowly and looked at him. "You and Pony are right. But I'm not ready. I don't even know what to say to him."

"But you'll talk to him?" Soda asked.

"Yeah, I don't know when, but I'll talk to him." I replied and for the first time I felt like maybe I could tell my father how I felt without worrying about what he'd say in response. Soda and Ponyboy were both making me realize that while I didn't have to forget the hurt my father caused me, I also didn't have to let the words my father spoke continue to hurt me.


	24. Chapter 24

I told Darry I'd make dinner that night since I'd been staying over almost every night. At first he started to argue, but I insisted. It wasn't fair to him to have to cook for me every night. So, I spent an hour preparing dinner while Darry sat in the living room reading the paper.

"You're making dinner?" Ponyboy asked me as he came into the kitchen. "How come?"

I found where they kept the spaghetti and put it in a pot of water before turning to face him. "I just felt like it."

"Oh," Pony nodded as he started to set the table.

"Where do you guys keep the colander?" I asked. "I need one to drain the pasta."

"There should be one in the cupboard above the stove," Ponyboy replied. "That's the last place I saw it."

I opened the cupboard and found the colander just as Pony said I would.

"Thanks," I said as I set the colander in the sink.

"Darry said you're making dinner, Steve. It smells good," Soda said; joining Pony and me in the kitchen. He watched as I stirred the spaghetti sauce.

"Since Steve's making dinner, does that mean Darry has to do the dishes?" Ponyboy asked Soda.

Soda grinned. "I wouldn't push our luck."

I laughed because I knew Soda and Pony usually did the dishes. Even if one of them cooked. Although whoever cooked wasn't supposed to get stuck doing the dishes.

"Dinner's almost ready," I told them. Then I mumbled under my breath, "At least I know you'll appreciate it."

"What?" Soda asked.

"Nothing," I said. "I was just making sure I made everything we need."

Soda took the spoon I was using to stir the sauce with and took a taste. "Looks like you have everything here to me."

I poured the pasta into the colander and put it back in the pot once the water drained out. While I did this, Pony went into the living room to let Darry know that dinner was ready.

"Do you cook a lot at your home?" Darry asked as he and Pony both sat down at the table.

I nodded. "When I'm there."

Soda started pouring chocolate milk into our glasses while I served the spaghetti.

"Looks good, Steve," Darry commented when I finished filling his plate and set it in front of him. "Your folks are missing out on a good meal."

I sighed as I sat down between Soda and Ponyboy. "I guess so."

Darry looked at me from across the table. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. I know things aren't the way you'd like them to be between you and your father, but you're puttng to much blame on yourself."

"Yeah, not everything is your fault," Pony agreed. "We haven't always gooten along, but I agree with Darry and Soda that you're too hard on yourself. Look at the job you do on the cars at the DX, no one else in town can do that kind of work."

"I try not to blame myself," I said, "but it's hard."

No one said anything else about it during the rest of dinner. Instead, Darry asked pony about school and Soda about work. It was the conversation they always had during dinner, followed by Darry asking Soda to give him a back rub later which got an exchanged glance between Soda and Pony.

"Darry, you carry too much up that ladder at one time," Soda told Darry agoin. I don't know how many times Soda or Pony has said that to Darry, but Darry never seems to pay attention to it. "Someday, you're really going to hurt yourself and won't be able to work."

"Relax little buddy, I make sure I'm being careful," Darry assured Soda. He looked at Pony, "And I know you're thinking the same thing, so you can relax, too."

Ponyboy nodded although I knew that neither he or Soda were going to stop worrying about Darry's safety at work. Just like Darry worried about Soda at the DX or Pony walking the streets alone where a group of socs could jump him like they did before. They had gotten closer since Pony returned from Windrixville several months ago and it showed. Somehow, I knew that even if I did talk to my father and worked things out, we'd never be as close as the Curtis's were. Our relationship just wasn't strong enough.


	25. Chapter 25

I had to work the next day after school with George. For the first hour, Soda was still there, but he was busy on the register so I didn't get to see him. Not that it mattered since I was probably going to stay at his place that night, anyway. I still wasn't ready to go back home.

"Hey, someone's here to see you," George said, coming into the garage where I was working on a car.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"According to Soda, the guy's your father," George replied. "Do you want me to send him in here?"

I didn't want to see my father, not yet. But I couldn't tell George that and I knew Soda would tell me that I'd have to face my father sooner or later. "Yeah, send him here."

"A forty-six Ford," My dad commented when he walked into the garage. "They don't make them like they used to, do they?"

"No," I replied and I should know. I've worked on almost every make and model of cars you could think of and the ones I hadn't worked on, I read about.

"I've been looking for you," My father told me. "Did Soda tell you?"

I nodded not knowing what to say.

My father stood next to me and watched me work on the car. I guess he didn't know what to say either. After all, we weren't exactly close and aside from arguing, we hadn't had an actual conversation in a very long time.

"Look, I know I've said some things to you that haven't been fair," Dad said slowly after watching me work for a few minutes.

I stopped working and looked at him. I wanted to hear what he had to say, even if I wasn't eager to speak to him myself.

"Steve, I didn't mean what I said that night," My father said. "You know that, don't you?"

I continued to look at him. It sounded like he meant what he said that night to me. Why did he think I still hadn't returned home? Besides, he would have kicked me out eventually anyway; he always did.

"Steve, listen to me," Dad pleaded.

"Why?" I asked, finally breaking my silence. "So you can tell me about what a failure I am or that you don't want me to come home? Just like you've been doing practically every week since I turned thirteen?"

My father actually took a step back, but quickly regained his composure. "Don't speak to me in that tone of voice."

"What tone of voice?" I asked. "Do you expect me to act like I'm thrilled to see you and everything is okay? Because if you are, you are sadly mistaken."

"Steve..."

"Look, I don't know what you expected to have in a son," I interupted, "but whatever it was, I'm sorry I could never be good enough for you."

My father started to reach out his hand, but I ran out of the garage before he had a chance to touch me. I ran until I was in the office at the back of the store. The one place where I could let the tears that were forming in my eyes escape, and the one place where my father couldn't come.

"Steve?" The door opened and closed softly as Soda came into the office and pulled the extra chair next to me. He sat down and moved a box of kleenex towards me. "Hey, buddy it's okay."

"I thought you went home already," I said.

"I was going to go home when your dad came, but I figured you'd need a friend and it looks like I was right," Soda replied.

"Is he still out there?" I asked.

Soda shrugged. "I don't know. I followed you in here so I really didn't see if he stuck around or not."

"I tried talking to him," I said. "But, I couldn't do it. It's too hard."

"Hey, you tried," Soda told me.

"I wanted to ask him why he says those things," I said, "but I felt all the hurt those words caused me and I got angry."

"It's okay, you don't have to explain," Soda told me. "Maybe it'll be easier next time. At least he knows that his words make you angry."

"Yeah, he probably also knows that his words turn me into a bawl baby now, too," I commented giving Soda a small grin.

Soda grinned back at me, "Yeah, but at least you started to tell him how you feel."

I thought about that. I wasn't sure if Soda was right or not because I didn't feel like I told my father anything about how I felt. All I did was challenge his comments towards me. Somehow, I don't think I accomplished anything by doing that. After all, I ran out of the garage before my father had a chance to reply.


	26. Chapter 26

I spent the rest of my shift in the garage working on the car. After my father's little visit, I didn't feel like seeing anyone and I was becoming so angry and irritated that my father came that I probably would have yelled at a customer or something. So, I stayed in the garage where I could work alone and not be bothered too much. Only George poked his head in on occassion to see how I was doing. But aside from that, he left me alone.

"Steve, you can clock out now," George said at the end of my shift. He stood just inside the garage wiping sweat off of his forehead. "Are you going home?"

I shrugged as I passed him. "I don't know, I might go to Soda's for awhile."

George knew that I stayed at Soda's a lot, but he didn't know that I had been staying there more than usual lately. As far as he knew, I still stayed at home and slept in my own bed on most nights.

"Well, have a good night," George told me. "I'll see you and Soda on Saturday."

"Bye George," I mumbled as I went to clock out. A few minutes later I was driving my car towards Soda's house. I was almost there when I made a last minute decision to turn the car and go to my house. Parking on the street in front of my house, I just sat in the car and looked at the house. I could see my father watching the television and my mother folding the laundry. Part of me wanted to go in and join them but another part of me was too angry to get out of the car so I reastarted the engine and drove to Soda's house.

"Pony, you got a C?" I walked in just in time to hear Darry question Pony about some grade.

"I tried Darry, you know I studied hard for that math test. You even helped me," Ponyboy said in his own defense.

Darry sighed and closed his eyes. "I know I helped you but I just don't understand why you got a C. You're a smart kid, Pony but when it comes to some things, you act stupid."

"Leave him alone, Darry," Normally, it would have been Soda saying that but this time the words came out of my mouth. "That particular teacher is tough. He can't help it if the test was hard."

Darry looked at me and for a second I thought he was going to punch me like he did when I said he was all brawn and no brain. Instead he gave me a warning look before turning his attention back to Ponyboy. "I want you to ask if you can take the test over."

"Darry, I can't do that. That test is final. The teacher even said so," Ponyboy replied. "Besides, it's not like one C will hurt my average."

"Pony, if you start letting your grades slide, you won't get into a good college," Darry argued and for the first time since I walked into the house I noticed that Soda wasn't in the room. But I could see the door to the room that he and Pony shared was closed.

"What if I don't want to go to college, Darry?" Ponyboy challenged.

"You guys, don't you think you're both taking this a little too far?" I asked. "One little C on a test isn't going to ruin his chances of getting into college and there's still a year or two before a decision needs to be made about college, anyway. Pony's only a freshman, at this point the teachers aren't too interested with discussing college and career options with the students."

"Why are you sticking up for him?" Darry asked me.

"Yeah," Ponyboy said while looking at me.

I thought for a minute. It was unusual for me to willingly stick up for the kid. After all, we didn't always get along and most of the time, I agreed with Darry about Ponyboy not using his head. "Because if I wanted to hear this stuff, I could have stayed at my place had my father holler at me. Darry, Pony is not a failure because of one C. You don't want him to start feeling like I do, do you? You don't want him to start resenting you, do you?"

"That's the last thing I want," Darry said, sitting down on the couch. "But ,I don't Pony to miss out on college like I did, either and they're really picky when it comes to grades."

"Darry, he's already asked me if I think you're like my father," I told him.

"Steve!" Pony yelled angrily which was rare for him.

"I told him no and I meant it, but that doesn't mean he won't feel resentment and hurt just like I do. I actually drove to my house before I came here and I couldn't bring myself to go inside because of the anger that I felt." I told them. "Besides, Soda's in the bedroom, how do you think he feels hearing the two of you argue like that?"

"We promised him we wouldn't fight anymore," Ponyboy said to Darry.

"We promised each other that we wouldn't fight anymore," Darry sighed. Then he looked up at me. "I never thought I'd hear you stick up for Pony."

I shrugged. "Hey, I didn't want to hear you two argue and I know that Soda doesn't like hearing it either. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, Pony told me that he got the highest grade in his class on that test. Most of the other students went home with an F."

Darry looked at Ponyboy. "Is that true?"

Ponyboy nodded. "It was a really hard test, Darry. I tried to get all the answers right, but it was hard."

"I'm going to see Soda," I said leaving the room to go talk with Soda for a while.


	27. Chapter 27

Two days later, I finally went back home. Not because I suddenly decided that everything was okay and my father wasn't a jerk. No, I went home because even though my father had hurt me, I realized that Soda was right, I couldn't continue to run away from my problems. Besides, I knew the door to the Curtis' house was always open if I ever needed to stay the night.

"Steve?" My mom asked from the living room when I walked in the back door. "Is that you?"

"Yeah mom, it's me," I said. "Where is dad?"

"Still at work," mom replied. "I have a roast in the oven. It should be done in around twenty minutes."

I nodded as I looked absently around the room.

"Your father doesn't mean a lot of the things he says to you, you know that, right?" Mom asked me.

I looked at her and noticed a bruise on her arm. "Mom, where did you get that bruise?"

"This?" Mom looked at her arm. "Oh, that's nothing, I just smacked it agaist the shelf while I was cleaning."

"No you didn't," I said. "Dad did it, didn't he?"

"Steve, your father didn't mean it,"

"Like he doesn't mean what he tells me?" I asked angrily. "Mom, tell me what happened. WHy did he do that?"

Mom sat down on the couch and sighed. "He wanted to know where you were and I refused to tell him even though I was sure you were staying at Soda's house."

I sat down next to her and put my arm across her shoulders. "I can't believe he hurt you. I know he's always used words to hurt me, but I never thought he'd try to physically hurt one of us."

Mom looked at me. "Do you want to go back to Soda's? If you leave now, your father will never know that you were here."

I shook my head. "No, I'm staying. I'm through with running away."

"You've always had determination," Mom said with a small grin. "Even when you were little, it was hard to get you to change your mind."

"I'm telling my counsilor at school that he hit you," I said suddenly.

"Steve don't, your father just over reacted. He's never hurt me before," Mom said.

"I don't believe you," I told her trying not to sound like I was angry at her even though I was angry with my father.

"I don't expect you to believe me, Steve," Mom said softly. "I just don't want to see him end up in jail. His job is our main source of income and if he gets sent to jail, we could lose the house."

"If he ends up in jail, he'll have no one to hurt," I challenged. "Mom, I can handle him saying things to me, but I will not let him hurt you. If I don't tell the counsilor, I might end up hurting dad, then I'll go to jail. Do you want that?"

"I don't want either of you to go to jail," Mom said.

I stood up and picked up my back pack that I had dropped on the floor. "I'm going to my room. Oh, and dad came to the DX other day, we exchanged a few words and he reached out to touch me, but I ran out of the garage before he could touch me. You don't think he was going to try to hit me or anything, do you?"

Mom looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "I don't know how to answer that Steve. It depends on what kind of mood he was in."

I stood there for a second before I went to my room and closed the door. I also locked it so my father couldn't get in. Then, I took my old bear out of the back pack and did something I hadn't done in a long time. I threw the bear across the room in an attempt to get rid of the anger I was feeling. I would have preferred to have thrown my father across the room for hurting my mother, but the bear was the only thing that was available.


	28. Chapter 28

I stopped by the Curtis' house the next morning to pick up Ponyboy on the way to school. As well as grab some breakfast since I hadn't bothered to grab anything at home. I wanted to be out of the house before my father woke up and I had stayed in my room for most of the night after my father came home. Even though I had decided to go home, I still didn't want to see my father. Especially after finding out that he was hurting my mom.

That was another thing that I missed about Mr. Curtis, he always told us to never hit a girl. He said that if we wanted to be real men, we would never hit or physically harm a lady. Ladies were to be treated with respect whether they deserved it or not. Which was something my father obviously didn't understand if he was hurting my mother.

"Hey Steve," Ponyboy greeted me. From the looks of things, Soda and Darry had already left for work. "Soda left about ten minutes ago. Said to tell you that he'll be getting off at three today in case you wanted to do something."

I helped myself to some toast and a slice of cake. "Okay, maybe I'll see if he wants to go to the Dingo or something."

"Yeah," Ponyboy mumbled taking a good look at me. "You look like you didn't sleep at all last night. Was everything alright?"

I sighed. "No, everything was not alright."

"Hey, you don't have to tell me," Ponyboy said. "I just noticed that you looked tired."

"Kid, promise me that you will never hit a girl as long as you live," I said.

Ponyboy replied, "I promise. Besides, why would I risk the chance of Darry beating the tar out of me if I did?"

"Do you want to know why I couldn't sleep last night?" I asked.

"I said you didn't have to tell me," Ponyboy reminded me.

I continued anyway. "I couldn't sleep because I was too busy listening for signs that my father was hitting my mother. Pony, she has bruises on her arms from him hurting her."

"Are you going to report it?" Pony asked.

"I told my mom that I was going to tell the counsilor at school," I answered. "My mom doesn't want me to, but I can't let him treat her like that. Verbally abusing me is one thing, but physically hurting a lady is another. Especially when that lady is my mother."

Ponyboy was looking at me and shaking his head. "I agree that you need to tell someone. Why is your mom putting up with it? Why doesn't she leave him?"

"I think she's in denial. Besides, she can't afford to leave him. She doesn't even want me to tell my counsilor what is happening because she's afraid of what could happen if my father ends up in jail," I explained.

"Both of you could stay here," Pony said. "You already know that you're welcome here any time, Steve."

"Thanks, but I don't think my mom would want to live in someone else's house. Especially one that is constantly full of teenage boys making noise," I said as I opened the front door. "We should get going going. I know Darry won't be happy if you're late to class."

We drove to school in silence; I was trying to think of how I was going to tell my counsilor about what my father was doing when I hadn't actually seen him hit my mother, and I could tell Ponyboy was lost in one of his many day dreams while gazing out the window. As we got closer to the school, we had to listen to the socs screm stuff at us. I glared at them while Pony tried to slouch down in his seat so he couldn't be seen. This happens almost everyday and sometimes when we get to school, the socs try to start a fight, which is what happened today.

"Well, if it isn't two greasers," a soc said when Pony and I got out of my car. He had a several other socs with him, more than Pony and I could handle even though we can usually hold our own in a fight.

"Why can't you guys just leave us alone?" Ponyboy asked and I noticed that his voice was shaking slightly. "We don't go around bothering you."

Another soc who I recognized from my geometry class replied, "Oh, but you do bother us. See, if there were no greasers in the world things would be better for everyone."

"Is that so?" I asked, putting an elbow on Ponyboy's shoulder as he slouched at gave the socs an even stare. For someone that doesn't like fights, the kid knows how to look tough.

"Yeah, so we're going to do something about it," the first soc said and before Pony or I could respond, the socs grabbed us and started beating us.

I started fighting back, along with Ponyboy who was struggling against some soc who was twice his size. I could already tell that Ponyboy was going to have a black eye and several bruises and I probably wasn't going to look much better with the beating I was getting. Somehow, I managed to give one of the socs a bloody nose which resulted in recieving a hard kick in the shin.

"What's going on here? Break it up," A teacher yelled. The socs literally dropped Pony and me on the hard concrete and gave the teacher the most innocent look they could make. "You all know the rule about fighting on school property."

"But, they started it," A soc said, pointing at Ponyboy and me. "We only fought back in self-defense."

"We did not," Ponyboy said and I covered his mouth.

"Might as well give up, Pony," I whispered to him. "You know the teacher is going to believe those guys. After all, they're socs and we're greasers."

Ponyboy mumbled something about that being unfair as the two of us stood up.

"You boys can go to class," The teacher told the socs before looking at Ponyboy and me. "Now, I need the two of you to come with me."

Ponyboy followed behind me and I knew that if he were a dog, his tail would be between his legs. I tried to act like nothing was wrong as I followed the teacher straight into the principal's office. Ten minutes later, we were heading back to Pony's house.

"Darry is going to kill me," Ponyboy sighed. "I can't believe we got suspended for the rest of the week and the socs didn't get in trouble at all. They were fighting, too. And they're the ones who started it."

"Trust me, they won't get away with it," I said. "Two-Bit was arriving at the school as the teacher broke up the fight, he'll find a way to get eve for us."

"Nice of him to show up after a fight," Ponyboy grumbled.

"Hey, at least he's not suspended, he can fill us in on what's going on," I told him as I sat down on the couch, wincing from the various bruises I had received. Pony sat on the chair and put his head in his hands. We didn't say much for the next few hours and barely looked up when Darry walked in the door at around lunch time.

"What are you doing here?" Ponyboy asked Darry.

"The school called me at work. Said you started a fight and that you're suspended for the rest of the week," Darry said glancing at me.

"The socs started the fight," Pony mumbled.

Darry sighed impatiently, "I kind of figured that. But now I have to figure out what to do with you while you're suspended. I can't exactly let you off easy after all, you were fighting, too."

Ponyboy hung his head and I started to get up. "Maybe I should head home."

"No, you can stay," Darry told me. "You can Ponyboy clean out the garage and the basement today. We have a lot of our parents' stuff that we haven't gone through yet, I think this is a good time to do that."

"But, Darry shouldn't that be something that the three of us should do?" Ponyboy asked.

Darry shook his head. "If you see anything Soda or I would like to have, set it aside. But, I think you and Steve can handle going through everything. It's not like you have anywhere to go since I'm grounding you for the next two weeks."

"Um, Darry this isn't my home," I said softly.

"It is until the state figures out what to do with you," Darry said.

"What?" I asked.

"Your neighbors heard arguing at your house and called the cops to investigate, sounds like your father could be in jail for a while," Darry told me.

"Is my mother okay?" I asked quietly.

"From what the principal at the school told me, she's shaken up but should be okay. He said it would probably be best for you to stay here until they figure out what to do," Darry replied. "I wouldn't have let them just place you in a foster home anyway, most people know you spend most days here so it only made sense to offer to let you stay until things get situated."

"I don't want to end up in a boys home," I said putting my own head in my hands.

"Maybe you won't," Poyboy spoke up. "You'll be eighteen in a couple of months; maybe they'll let you stay with us until then."

Darry sighed, "Well, I have to go back to work and I expect to see a good portion of the garage or basement done when I get back."

Darry left and Ponyboy and I remained where we were for several minutes before getting up and slowly walking outside to the garage.


	29. Chapter 29

"I can't believe that I could end up in a boys home," I mumbled as Ponyboy and I went through a box in the garage. We had already gone through one box; remembering things about the objects inside.

"Join the club," Ponyboy said softly. "Soda and I still have that risk every time the people from the state pay their monthly visit. It's always on your mind because it means being split up."

"I never thought that I could end up in a situation like this," I said.

"Maybe this could be good for you," Ponyboy suggested as he flipped through an old book that had been in the box.

"How?" I asked angrily. "I could end up in a boys home away from Soda. Away from you and Darry. You guys are my family. I can't just go live with some strangers."

Ponyboy looked at me, setting the book down. His greenish-gray eyes held my gaze for a second. "I never thought about it like that. But, I guess that's true."

"Hey, did the mail come?" Soda asked, standing just outside the garage. He had already removed his shoes.

"Yeah, but I haven't checked it yet," Ponyboy replied. "And Soda, why can't you wait until you get inside the house before you take off your shoes? You could get sick taking them off outside."

Soda walked inside the garage and reached inside the box. "Wow, dad's old baseball glove. Steve, do you remember how he used to play catch with us?"

I nodded as I absently pulled another item out of the box. My mind was filled with thoughts of what would happen if I got placed in a boys home. As well as thoughts of my parents. Would my father go to the cooler? What would happen to my mom? I knew she wouldn't be able to take care of the house on her own. She had always relied on my father to do that. And what about me? What was going to happen to me? After all, I was partly to blame for the whole mess, wasn't I?

"Steve, what's going on?" Soda asked. "You've been staring into space for the past five minutes. Even Pony doesn't do that for five minutes straight."

"Let him be, Soda," Ponyboy said softly. "He's got a lot on his mind right now and he might not want to talk about it."

Soda gave me a concerned look before heading inside the house to change.

"Thanks," I whispered to Ponyboy. "How did you know that I didn't want to talk about it?"

Ponyboy shrugged. "It looked like you wanted to be left alone as in you don't feel like talking. Even to your best friend. I'm kind of surprised you're talking to me."

I gave him a small grin. "Me too."

A lot had changed over the past few weeks between Ponyboy and me. Was it only a few weeks ago that I still thought of him as a tag along brat? Now, I was more willing to spend time with him and was finding that he was just as loyal as Soda was. The kid was becoming a decent young adult. One who could go places and get out of our neighborhood, although I was sure he wouldn't stray too far away. He'd never become a soc, that's for sure.

"I think you should have the baseball glove," Ponyboy said, picking up the glove Soda had held a few minutes earlier.

"But, that's your father's glove," I protested. "It should stay with one of you."

Ponyboy shook his head and handed me the glove. "You just said yourself that we're like family to you. Besides, I think my dad would want you to have it. He always used to talk about how you were like another son to him."

I turned the glove over in my hands. "I don't know."

"Take it, Steve," Ponyboy said. "I know the glove means a lot to you. It's probably also the only good memory of your own father that you have. If you do end up in a boys home, which I hope you won't, I think you should have something that would remind you of the good times."

"Okay, I'll take it," I said slowly. "And I hope I won't end up in a boys home, too."

I held the glove in my hands, feeling the worn leather against my skin. I could still see Mr. Curtis putting on the glove in the front yard while Soda and I eagered for him to play catch with us. Even Ponyboy got involved back then, only Mr. Curtis didn't toss the ball as far for him because he was still too little to play like Soda and I could. I used to beg Soda to not have Pony play catch with us. But, somehow the kid always seemed to get involved. Now, he was giving me the glove his dad had worn on those Saturday afternoons.

"It's looking good in here you two," Darry said poking his head inside the garage. "Hey, is that dad's old baseball glove?"

"Yeah," Ponyboy replied. "I gave it to Steve. I think dad would want him to have it."

Darry nodded. "Well, dinner should be ready, soon. I'm sure Soda made something interesting."

Ponyboy and I followed Darry into the house, relieved to have a break from cleaning out the garage. I put the glove on the coffee table as I walked to the kitchen where Soda was stirring some red stuff that looked like it was once plain old white mashed potatos.

"Darry told me what happened, Steve," Soda told me. "You can't go to a boys home. I won't let you."

"That's not a choice you can make little buddy," Darry said as he and Ponyboy also came into the kitchen. "All we can do is hope that Steve won't have to go. And maybe since he'll be eighteen soon, he won't have to go."


	30. Chapter 30

"This all seems unreal," Soda said later that night. The two of us were at the Dingo drinking cokes and watching the other people who were there. "I know Pony and I always have the risk of being put in a boys home, but I never thought you could end up there."

I didn't reply to Soda's comment. It was the same thing that had been playing through my mind all day. The idea of me going to a boys home did seem unreal. I still wasn't used to the idea of Soda possibly ending up in a boys home, how could I prepare myself for the possibilty of me going to one?

Soda glanced over at me out of the corner of his eye. "What are you thinking about, Steve?"

I sighed and shrugged. "The same thing you are."

"Your father's actions aren't your fault. You know that, don't you?" Soda asked.

"Sure," I eplied absently.

"Steve, when Johnny's old man beat him and his mom screamed at him, was it his fault?" Soda asked me.

I sighed. "Of course not."

"Well, this isn't your fault either," Soda said. "You can't take the blame for your father's actions. He chose to say things to you that shouldn't have been said. He chose to hurt your mother. You had nothing to do with it."

"I told my mom that I was going to tell the school counsilor about him hurting her," I told him.

"But, you didn't. The fuzz found out before you could say anything about it to your counsilor," Soda pointed out. "This was bound to happen sooner or later."

I knew that what Soda was saying was true. However, it didn't make it any easier. After all, I never thought about what could happen to me. Now, reality was sinking in and I didn't like it. What was I going to do if I had to go live in a boys home?

"I hate my father," I said angrily. "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be in this position. I wouldn't have to wonder what's going to happen to me."

"Relax Steve, there's still a good chance that you won't have to go to a boys home. You'll be eighteen soon. The state could still decide to not send you to a boys home because of that." Soda told me. "Maybe they'll just have you stay with us."

"What if they don't?" I asked. "Even if I don't get sent to a boys home, I could still be sent away to Kansas to live with my aunt and uncle."

"Well, that's better than living with people you don't know," Soda pointed out.

"It'll still take me away from here," I replied.

"I thought you couldn't wait to leave Tulsa," Soda said. He was smiling because he knew there was some truth to what he was saying.

"I didn't mean like this!" I exclaimed as I finished my coke. "And I don't know my aunt and uncle that well. It would still be like living with strangers."

"Your cousin seems okay," Soda commented.

"Yeah, Brenda's okay," I agreed. "But we don't have a lot in common other than our last name and having the same hair and eye color."

"Isn't she the same age as you?" Soda asked.

I nodded. "She's a few months younger than me, but yes, she's the same age."

"Well, then you'd have someone to show you around," Soda said. "But, I'm sure you won't have to go anywhere. Everything will be okay."

"I hope so," I replied as I started the engine of my car. The idea of being sent to live in Kansas with my aunt and uncle was a little more comforting than the thought of going to a boys home, but it still meant leaving the Curtises behind and to me, they were the closest thing to a family that I had.


	31. Chapter 31

I was thankful that I had to work the next evening. It meant that I would have something to do that would keep my mind off of what was happening with my family. Soda was doing his best to convince me that maybe I wouldn't have to go to a boys' home or to Kansas to live with my aunt and uncle. My thoughts seemed to center around what could happen to me and I just wanted to work on a car so I could stop thinking so much.

"Hey George, any cars for me to work on today?" I asked once I had put my time card back into it's slot.

"I think we have a Corvette for you to look at," George replied. "Was brought in a few hours ago."

I grinned. "Good, I was hoping there would be a car for me to fix."

"Yeah, Soda said you'd probably want to just work alone in the garage," George told me.

Soda was leaving when I got there a few minutes earlier. He didn't say anything to me except that he'd see me later after I got off.

"Is the schedule for next week done yet?" I asked.

"I started it, but it's not done. Why?" George took out the folder that the schedules were kept in until they were ready to be put on the clip board that hung on the wall next to the calender of girls in bathing suits posing by different cars.

"I have a court date on Tuesday," I said.

"I already have you off for that day," George said after looking at the schedule. "You're not getting into trouble, are you?"

"No, it's family issues," I replied.

"Well, I won't ask about it," George said. "I'm sure everything will work out for you."

"Thanks," I muttered as I headed out to the garage to work on the car. When I entered the garage, I knew right away that a soc drove the Corvette. In fact, I knew that car because I saw it almost everyday at school. It belonged to that Cherry girl who had spied on the socs for us several months earlier.

Cherry would ocassionally say hi to Ponyboy, Two-Bit and me in the hall at school, but we rarely had any type of conversation. I think she was too afraid of what her friends would think even though she didn't seem to concerned about that when she offered to spy on the socs for us. She reminded me of a female version of Ponyboy, with the way she tried to fit in with her friends when really, she didn't fit in at all.

I knew Ponyboy didn't really fit in with greasers and I think he knew it, too. Sure, he was loyal to us and good in a rumble, but like Darry, he was too smart to be one of us. But he was proud of being a greaser. I guess Cherry felt the same way about being a soc. Even though they don't really fit in, they do because it's the only life style that they know.

"Steve?" I looked up from the car when I heard the familar voice even though I couldn't quite place where I knew it from. As soon as I saw who had said my name, I knew who the voice belonged to. My uncle and cousin were both entering the garage.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked.

"Your mother called us and told us what was going on," Uncle Joe said. "We were just at the house but no one was home."

"I've been staying at the Curtis' house. You remember them, don't you?" I wiped my hands off on a rag that was already dirty so it really didn't get the grease off of my hands.

"Isn't that good looking boy one of them?" Brenda asked.

I grinned. "Soda? Yeah, he's one of them."

"Didn't those boys lose their parents not too long ago?" Uncle Joe asked. "How are they doing?"

"They have their hard days, but they are doing okay," I replied. "Where is Aunt Caroline?"

"She stayed at home," Brenda replied. "Said there was no sense in her coming since we don't know what's going on for sure."

"That's a nice car you're looking at there," Uncle Joe commented as he walked around the Corvette.

"Yes, it is," I agreed. "It belongs to someone I know from school."

"I wish I had a car," Brenda commented. "The only thing my parents let me drive is the tractor."

"What would you do with a car in the middle of the country?" Uncle Joe asked her.

"Drive to the city," Brenda answered.

"Maybe we can go down town while you're here," I told her. "I'm sure the others wouldn't mind going, too."

Uncle Joe smiled at me. "That sounds good. Brenda's been getting kind of restless lately."

"And you haven't?" Brenda asked him. "You're the one who suggested coming here."

"Speaking of coming here, where are the two of you staying?" I asked. Somehow, I knew they weren't staying at the house.

"There's a motel about fifteen minutes away from here that we're staying at," Uncle Joe replied.

"That's going to be expensive if you plan on staying until the trial," I commented. "Maybe Two-Bit's mom would let you stay with them while you're here."

"We don't want to imtrude on anyone," Uncle Joe said.

"Just let me talk to Two-Bit and see what he says," I replied.

Uncle Joe just nodded while Brenda grinned at me. I knew she didn't want to stay in a motel the entire time they were there. Both of them left then and I went back to work on Cherry's car, telling myself to talk to Two-Bit later about letting my uncle and cousin stay with his family while they were in town.


	32. Chapter 32

The next few days went by fast and before I knew it, it was time for me to go to court for my father's trial and to find out what was going to happen to me. My uncle and cousin were going to be there, too as well as Darry. We figured that Soda and Pony didn't have to be there, but Darry wanted to come.

"Relax Steve," Darry told me after Ponyboy and Soda had left. "Everything will work out."

"Are you sure about that?" I asked.

"No," Darry admitted. "But I know there's no sence in getting nervous over something when you don't know what the outcome will be."

"I hope they'll give my father what he deserves," I grumbled. Then I sighed. "I also hope the judge doesn't send me away to a boys' home."

"Why don't you try thinking about something other than the trial?" Brenda suggested. "Think about Sunday afternoon when we went downtown."

I gave her a small grin. "Ponyboy told me the same thing before he left for school."

Brenda grinned, too. "Well, maybe you should try it."

"Honey, I think that may be easier said than done," Uncle Joe told Brenda. "His mind has been on this trial all week and I'm sure that's what I'd be thinking about if I was in his position."

I gave my uncle a grateful look before I went into the bathroom to make sure I looked okay. I knew that the judge was going to look at my appearance and I didn't want to look like I was a greasy hood. Fortunatly, Soda had lent me some clothes to wear to the trial that were half way decent. They must have been saved for special occasions because they looked newer than a lot of the things he wore and I knew they didn't get new clothes that often.

I pulled my comb out of the back pocket and carefully combed my hair into complicated swirls. There was less grease in my hair than usual because Darry said it might not be a good idea if I wanted to make a good impression with the judge. He said that if I looked decent, the judge might be more willing to let me stay and might actually let me be declared a legal adult even though my birthday was still several weeks away.

"Steve, it's time to go," Darry said, poking his head into the bathroom.

"Do I look okay?" I asked, feeling stupid for asking the question.

Darry nodded and walked away. I knew he was as nervous about the trial as I was. I hadn't seen him like that since the trial he, Soda and Pony had to go to several months ago to find out what would happen to Soda and Pony. I remembered how Soda and Ponyboy were both afraid that they'd end up in a boys' home. Although, I heard more about it from Soda since ponyboy was sick the week leading up to the trial.

I left the bathroom and went outside to the truck where Darry was waiting. Uncle Joe and Brenda got into the car that they had brought from Kansas. Then, we left for the court house which was an old building downtown.

"Are you ready?" Darry asked me as he parked the truck.

"I guess," I mumbled as I got out of the truck. I followed Darry up the steps and into the court house. Uncle Joe and Brenda were behind me, too. "This place looks smaller on the outside."

"Every building looks smaller on the outside," Darry commented.

"May I help you?" a lady in a white shirt and dark knee length skirt asked.

"We're here for the Randle trial," I said. "I'm his son."

"Follow me," She said and led us down a hall to where the trial would be held. She looked at me. "You'll probably have to testify."

"I know," I told her.

She left then and I stood there looking around; wondering if I should be doing anything. Fortunatly, someone came up to me and led me to a table towards the front of the room. I guess since I had to testify, I had to sit there. There was another table like it a few feet away. I figured that my father would be at that one. I turned and looked at Darry, Uncle Joe and Brenda.

"You'll be fine," Darry said and Uncle Joe nodded in agreement.

I sat down in the chair that was provided and tried not to look as nervous as I felt. The room was filling up fast and the fact that I was sitting there in front of everyone made me more nervous. Then, my father walked in with the lawer that was probably assigned to him. We exchanged a quick glance before he sat down behind the other table. Suddenly, I wasn't so nervous about the trial. And as we were all told to stand up as the judge entered the room, I knew that for once I could about how my father acted and could possibly see something get done about it. I snuck another quick glance at my father as we all sat down again. Maybe Darry and Uncle Joe were right, maybe everything would turn out okay.


	33. Chapter 33

I sat during the trial waiting for my turn to speak. Darry had warned me not to speak until it was my turn. So, even though I wanted to say plenty of things to my father and about my father, I kept my mouth shut. But, that did not stop me from glancing at my father who for the first time looked weak instead of hard and mean. I almost felt sorry for him.

"I'd like to call Steve Randle to the stand," One of the attorneys said.

I stood up and walked over to the witness stand. As I took the oath to tell the truth, I looked straight at Darry who gave a slight nod that only I could see. My uncle and cousin did the same thing and I saw my cousin cross her fingers even though she had her hands on her lap.

The attorneys each asked me questions about my father and I answered them as truthfully as I could, telling them how he kicked me out of the house every few days and mentioning the bruises that I had seen on my mother's arms. Then the judge asked me questions about me staying at the Curtis' home and my age.

When they were done asking me questions, I went back to sit behind the table, relieved that my turn was over. As the trial continued, I watched the judge carefully to see if I could get a hint of what his decision would be. The judge must have been used to people watching him for signs of a decision, because he remained expressionless throughout the trial. Finally, the judge left to make his decision and everyone was told that there was a twenty minute recess.

"How did I do?" I asked Dary and Uncle Joe.

"You did fine," Darry told me. "I think things will work out in your favor."

I gave him a small grin. "I hope so. I want this to be over with."

Uncle Joe gave my shoulder a squeeze. "We all do, Steve."

When the judge returned, everyone was watching him expectantly for his decision.

"Gary Randle, I'm going to require that you get counsiling. I don't have enough evidence to put you in jail," the judge said and I felt my hopes fall. Maybe things wouldn't work out for me at all. Then the judge looked at me. "Since you are basically on your own and have been staying out of trouble, Steve, I'm going to declare you a legal adult. You don't have to go back with your parents."

"And no boys' home?" I couldn't help asking.

The judge gave me a small grin, the first sign of emotion from him the whole day. "No, you won't be going to a boys' home. You can stay with the Curtis' family and maybe even look into getting a place of your own. Case is dismissed."

I watched as my father left the room, knowing that he was glad that he could go on with his life, just as I was glad that I could go on with mine. He turned once to look at me and gave a small wave as he disappeared around the corner.

"Well, you're an adult now," Uncle Joe said as he walked up to me.

"I was going to be an adult in a few weeks anyway," I pointed out.

"Soda is going to be happy when he finds out that you don't have to go away," Darry said as he joined us. My cousin came, too, giving me a hug.

"I'm glad this is finally over," I said. "I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders."

"Do you think you'll ever have a good relationship with your dad?" Brenda asked.

I shrugged. "Right now, I don't know. Maybe in the future, but I think things would be too tense between us now. I do know that if I ever have kids, I won't treat them like he treated me. If I do, Darry here has my permission to ste me straight."

"Oh, I think I can do that," Darry said with a laugh. "Well, I'm ready to go have lunch, my treat."

"Only if I can treat everyone to dinner tonight," Uncle Joe said. "I'm sure Soda and Pony would like to celebrate, too."

"And Two-Bit," Brenda added.

"Okay, it's a deal," Darry said. "We'll go to the Tastee Freeze now and someplace a little nicer tonight.

"Sounds good," I replied. "I'm starving."

"Well, I should think so," Brenda said. "You were so worried about the trial that you barely ate breakfast."

I gave her a playful shove as we headed outside and walked down the steps to the where we had parked. As I got into the truck with Darry, I took one last look at the court house. When I walked in that morning, I was still a kid. But, I walked out as an adult and free from having to go back with my father. Plus, I didn't have to go away to a boys' home which really made me happy. One of the attorneys was doing everything she could to convince the judge to send me to a boys' home, but he apparently didn't see the need and declared me a legal adult instead. I could finally live on my own with no worries. Of course, I would probably be staying with the Curtises for a while until I could get my own place, but it was still better than living with my folks or going away.


	34. Chapter 34

"So, the judge declared you a legal adult?" Soda asked when I told him and Ponyboy the results of the trial. "That's great!"

I nodded in agreement. "And as soon as I turn eighteen, I'm going to start looking for my own place. I'm sure the three of you would like to have the house to yourselves again."

"Will you be able to afford your own place?" Darry asked. "It's not easy to keep up with bills and other expenses."

"I'll manage," I told him.

"You need things for an apartment like furniture and dishes," Darry pointed out.

"I can get dishes at a thrift store and people put furniture that they no longer want on the curb all the time," I replied. "I can't stay here and I think we all know that."

Soda touched my shoulder. "I understand, Steve. Now that this mess with your father is over, you want to start over."

I nodded. "Yes, and I want to start building my own life. I'm not going to pack my things and leave right away. It could take a while to find my own place. But when I do, you're all invited to come over at any time."

The front door opened and Uncle Joe walked in followed by Brenda and Two-Bit. "So, is everyone ready to go out for dinner?"

"Yeah, Mr. Adult," Two-Bit said to me. "Your Uncle told me about the trial. How does it feel to be a legal adult?"

"You're one, shouldn't you know?" Ponyboy asked Two-Bit.

"Don't get mouthy, Pony," Darry said, but everyone was laughing. It's no secret that Two-Bit likes acting like a kid although he can also be very serious at times.

"Maybe you should tell him what it's like, your more mature than him," I whispered to Ponyboy. He looked at me in surprise while Two-Bit pretended to glare at me.

"Well, are you guys hungry or not?" Brenda asked. "I know I am."

All of us went out to the truck and Two-Bit's car since we couldn't all go in the same vehicle. Soon, we were heading for the restaraunt. When we got to the restaraunt, Uncle Joe led the way inside and told the hostess that he had made reservations.

"Follow me," The hostess said. She led us to a large booth in a corner and handed each of us a menu. "Enjoy your meal."

"Can I get you anything to drink?" The waitress asked when she came up to the table. "Steve? Is that you?"

I looked up from the menu, straight into the familar brown eyes of Evie. "Hey Evie, how have you been?"

"If you didn't ignore me, you would know," Evie replied.

"You're the one who wanted to break of the relationship," I reminded her. "You wanted to see other people."

"At least she had enough respect to do that instead of going behind your back with some other guy," Soda mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Soda. I forgot," Evie said softly. "You don't hear from Sandy, do you?"

Soda shook his head. "I used to write to her, but she alwas returned my letters unopened."

"I heard from her the other day. She had a healthy little girl," Evie said. "She refused to tell me who the father was. Although I have an idea of who he is."

"Did you say anything about me?" Soda asked her.

Evie nodded, causing her brown ponytail to bounce up and down. "I told her that she had hurt you when she left. That she broke your heart. But she didn't give much of a reply."

She took our orders and returned a few minutes later to talk some more. "How have you been, Steve?"

I told her about my father and the trial. "And since I'm a legal adult now, we're here to celebrate."

"I'm happy for you, Steve," Evie told me. "Your father always scared me a little."

"I don't think he would have hurt you," I told her.

"Maybe, but I know how you were always upset by how he treated you," Evie said.

"Is that why you broke up with me?" I asked.

Evie shook her head. "No, I was bored and wanted to see other people, just like I said when I broke up with you. But, I'm not seeing anyone now."

"I want to focus on getting my life together now," I told her. "But maybe we can do something together as friends sometime."

"I'd like that," Evie said. She looked at Ponyboy. "I swear everytime I see you, you look more and more like Sodapop. How have you been? I don't think I've seen you since Johnny and Dally's funeral."

Johnny and Dally had a joint funeral. It was Pony's idea because the two of them couldn't go on without the other for reasons none of us could truly understand.

"I have my days when it's hard, but I'm okay," Ponyboy told her.

Evie smiled at him. "I'm glad to hear that. Sylvia had a hard time, too from what I've heard. She's going out with one of the Brumly boys now."

"You kids have a lot of information, don't you?" Uncle Joe asked.

"I should go see if your food is ready," Evie said. She walked away and returned with our meals. "Enjoy and I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes. I have to take care of a few more tables now."

"I take it she's an old girlfriend?" Brenda asked.

I nodded. "You met Evie before. She just wasn't wearing a waitress uniform and her hair was down."

"She also had on more make-up," Brenda said.

Soda was busy pushing the food around on his plate. He had been upset when Sandy had told him that he wasn't the father of her baby and he was just reminded of that.

"Hey, are you okay, little buddy?" Darry asked.

Soda sighed and nodded. "Part of me just wishes that Sandy's little girl was mine. I loved Sandy, I could have loved the baby as if she were my own, too."

"Soda, you're still young," Darry said. "You still have plenty of time to have kids."

"I don't know, Darry," Soda said doubtfully. "They're doing a draft for the war and I'll be eighteen in the fall. They could draft me after my birthday."

"You don't know that," Uncle Joe pointed out.

"I could get drafted, too," I said. "But, we could also get lucky and stay home."

Soda shook his head. "I just have this feeling that I'm going to be drafted shortly after I turn eighteen. And I don't know what's going to happen, but I also have a feeling that I will never have kids of my own."

"I wasn't drafted," Two-Bit said seriously. "Steve's uncle is right. You don't know if you'll get drafted."

"Even if the two of you do get drafted, I'm sure you'll both return home safe," Brenda said. "And when you do, we'll all go out to celebrate again."

Soda sighed and nodded. "I guess you're right. Besides, we're supposed to be celebrating Steve's new freedom now."

I exchanged grins with Soda. "That's better. Let's not talk about the draft anymore, okay? Let's just focus on life here in good old Tulsa."

Even though I was trying to help get Soda's mind off the draft, I was just as worried as he was. After all, I had just as much of a chance of being drafted as he did. And it was the one thing that both greasers and socs were worried about. I even knew of few guys from school who had already been drafted. But, I didn't want to spend my time worrying about the possibilty of getting drafted.

I wanted to try to get on with my life now that the mess with my father was cleared up. For the first time in my life I felt like I didn't have to worry about something my father could say or do. I was finely free from his words for good and the ones I was still holding on to, I could finally start letting go of as I continue to talk to my counsilor and have the support of the Curtis brothers. Soda and Ponyboy had both compaired me to a car, and I knew now that just like the cars I fixed, I could also be fixed it was just going to take some time.


End file.
